I'm Just Sayin'...

A quick search of the word resolution brings up the following definition, "a formal expression of an opinion or intention." As we lay 2009 to rest, it appears that FB status updates, deep discussions around the water cooler, and a lifetime struggle with breaking promises means that technically...we're all on the same boat. It's offically time to start anew and 2010 couldn't come any sooner! (Can I get an Amen?!) Now knowing exactly what a resolution entails- it explains how I've managed to elude weight loss, fitness goals, and attitude adjustments after all these years. By simply, "stating an intention" there it was...an easy escape, a get out of jail free card; to talk the talk but not necessarily walk the...well- you get my drift.

My closing thoughts for 2009 and sincere wish for all 3 of my loyal blog followers is to always remember to "do you". And when tempted to make another faulty resolution riddled with escape routes- consider making commitments to yourself instead. At the end the day...talk is cheap, baby! So here's to a Happy New You!!!



I dedicate my last post of '09 to a wonderful man whose touched my life in more ways than he'll ever know. To the Rafanan and Pena family- my heart is with you always. RIP, tito Jun. 

Tricks Are For Kids

Whenever I find myself a tad bitchier than usual or have a burning desire to turn an insignificant incident into a major catastrophe- I've learned that what I'm actually doing isn't necessarily the result of being crazy, per se. Apparently, all the pomp and circumstance surrounding the need to make much ado about nothing and dramatize miniscule dilemma's turns out to be...just a big girls' cry for attention. Sensitivity and tears tend to fall by the wayside when you're a product of the Northeast, therefore my way of handling adversity comes in heaping doses of swear words, threats of physical violence, and an unmatched bravado thanks to the streets of Jersey City. But by now, at 36- road rage and emotional outbursts have become mentally draining and truthfully, attention seeking appears to be just as juvenile as shoplifting at the Hudson Mall.

If the only way you know how to convey your message is by kicking and screaming- what's the alternative? For most of us- being recognized and acknowledged is more than enough. Once we've got our pat on the back or cushy corner office- we're good to go. However, on the flip side- there lurks an emotionally damaged and neglected soul whose cries for help, pleas for notoriety, and desperate attempts  to be seen and heard never seem to be quenched no matter how much we mind their business, do what they ask, or listen to the same old stories, again! After countless encounters with "those people" and my own botched attempts at attention seeking - I've concluded that the games we played in our youth no longer have a real place in our future. And you- what games do you play? Do tell...

Mind Over Matter Of Fact

There are certain things I've been threatening to do for years. Write a book on my soccer mom experience, throw out every piece of clothing dating back to 2005, and to not let distraction get in the way of the success that's been eluding me for years. But it seems that every time I go to write and re-write that first chapter, donate my outdated Adriano jeans, or move forward in my plot towards world domination- I find myself immobilized and making excuses for putting off the inevitable. Up until recently- my coping mechanisms included bouts of daydreaming, complaining, blaming, and setting myself up for failure- a complete self sabotager, if you will. I'd justify why I couldn't get things done with pithy excuses like, I can't write if the tv is too loud. I won't workout if I don't have the right playlist. And I HATE constructive criticism therefore- why make the effort? 

At this pace-I would go nowhere. But how do you turn off the voice inside your head that only seems to know the same old, same old? The truth is, you can't tell it to shut the f#@! up if all you're going to do is sit there and listen. Saying I was going to achieve this feat and accomplish that goal meant virtually nothing unless I was prepared to do something about it. So, in lieu of rummaging through the sales rack at Barney's or wallowing in a severe case of island fever, I think I'll spend this holiday weekend bingeing and purging instead...and no, not of the 5 pounds of ham and green bean casserole I've inhaled over the past few days. But more of a mental sort of cleansing...you know, the kind that turns empty threats into reality. And you...what do you hear? Do tell...

Do The Right Thing

Growing up in a traditional Filipino family on the east coast, I've become accustomed to the nuances that make our culture so fascinating. Debutante balls, Santa Cruzan's, and Fil-Am association parties defined old school social networking long before the advent of Facebook or My Space ever existed. I still crave  home cooked delicacies like my Nana's lumpia, Tita Dulce's Kare Kare, or my dad's signature steaks. Since being inducted into the Dimaya clan, I've become a full fledged aunt, sister in law and have inherited 150 more family members. Gatherings for no particular reason is still, to this day, my fondest memory of all. At these shindigs, however, it left you open for the inevitable third degree. With food in the belly and having exhausted all stories about the Philippines, somehow my aunts and uncles would then turn their attention to, "interrogation time". "How's your grades?" "Who's your boyfriend?" "Where are you going to college?" By the time I graduated high school, I was a pro at answering multiple questions. Sometimes, I'd just make things up especially when they seemed to get exasperated if I didn't give them an answer they liked. And though, at times it was terrorizing to be expected to know what the rest of my life was going to look like, I know it was done out of love...well, sometimes at least.
Now well into my 30's I feel as though those times of terror have come in quite handy. While the intensity has lessened, I'm still plagued by who, what, and where? "How's Hawaii?" "Where do you work?" I admire their skills in starting off slow but KNOW this eventually leads to the tougher, more personal subjects about marriage, money, and babies. What I've learned is that despite my expertise at mastering the 20 questions, my answers aren't always what people want to hear. But at this stage in my life, I'm not embellishing on anything. I've learned certain truths about myself, what motivates me, and why I do things. Only I know where I've been, what I've done, and how I feel and though it may not be good enough for some- I know what's right for me. When my single friends tell me they're without a boyfriend, my married friends tell me they want to have 5 children, or my daughter tells me she wants to go to art school after college...I'm nothing but thrilled. Only they can know what's in their heart, where they've been, and how they feel. Who am I to question, "Why?" And you- what do you know? Do tell...

Oh No You Di'nt!

There have been times despite all efforts to remain focused and positive that I find myself tempted by the lure of gossip, living in the past, and reveling in pity. As you know, I have a longer track record with negative emotions and whenever I'm feeling particularly nostalgic or in an unbalanced state of mind- I have a tendency to take a few steps back. Some days, I do admit, I don't readily pass up hearing the latest titillating tidbits about friends of friends and have been known to graciously accept RSVP's down memory lane. I've been embroiled in power struggles both personally and professionally and have on numerous occasions discussed my contempt for certain people over one too many cocktails. During a recent encounter with an old acquaintance I found myself traveling back in time. While reminiscing about the past seemed like an intriguing proposition, I must say that the conversation did get stale after the first 15 minutes. Who dated who, who slept with who, and who hated who in 1990 is as irrelevant today as yesterday's news.

Isn't it ironic that the people and situations teeming with the most venom and negativity actually have a tendency to bring out the very best in you? I'd typically never buy into this concept myself, but after endless run in's with drama queens, miserable hags, and insecure schleps- I can't help but to be thankful that at least, I'm not in their shoes. When I hear them gawk about their petty woes or whine on their tempestuous soap box, all I feel is genuine pity at their obvious attempts for attention. And if I ever find myself trapped alone in a bathroom situation, I'll even goes as far as to offer an insincere smile complete with head nod, all the while thinking in my head, "you're one crazy bitch!"  And just like that, I'm loving the shoes I'm in, grateful for the friends I have, and kissing the ground I walk on. And you- what brings out your very best? Do tell...

Interview with Dr. Feelgood

So few people in this world have the ability to do what they say and say what they mean. Meet one of my very dear friends and comrades-in-arms, Dr. Eso Tiu. Otherwise endearingly known to me and many others as the incomparable, Esofine. (Pure genius! I mean, who comes up with a name like that?!)

Though he's a man who wears many hats from dentist to family man, writer, musician, and entrepreneur- what I've always admired most, is his enthusiasm to help others and his sincere encouragement to be the best you can. When I told him I was thinking about writing a book, the first question he asked was- "Where can I get it?" When I started my blog, he was one of the first to sign up, and whenever I need someone to say "Go for it"- I know he's got my back.

His generosity, good nature, and passion for following his heart allows him to have the patience and faith to one day live out his ultimate dreams. Between his newly produced single, "Invincible" by John V available on Itunes, authoring the "Tooth Survival Guide" available on Amazon.com, and new ventures on the horizon...all I have to say is... "E- Go for yours!"

It's my honor to share a recent interview I did with Eso and his moments of reflection...

(mm): Give us a little history about getting into dentistry:

et: In NYU, I was planning to go to med school. However, I got a job as a dental assistant in midtown Manhattan during my junior year. I was inspired by my experience and never looked back. I found every opportunity to volunteer or work as a dental assistant, and finally found my way. I graduated dental school in 1994 and have been in my current office since 2001. My favorite part of the job is trying to make others feel good about themselves through their appearance.

(mm): In an ideal world- what would you be doing?


et: I would love to have my own music/film studio. At NYU I had to choose between two paths: music and dentistry. I wanted to do both but was advised against it. To be practical, I chose the dental field.

(mm): What 3 things give you energy?

et: 1. Exercise- I believe in starting the day either at the gym or the track. Some of my best ideas were thought of during a workout session.


    2. Developing a new idea or plan: this can be writing a book, song, having a new marketing idea, or starting a new business. Achieving the goal is a motivating, driving force.


    3. Reading about other successful people/companies, learning from them, and trying to apply those lessons in my life. This is just pure inspiration, and can be extremely energizing.


(mm): How are you finding ways to incorporate passion in your life?

et: I try to engage in these activities regularly. I'm a member of a gym, recently published a book, constantly developing marketing strategies for my office, and I try to write music on the side. The tough part is balancing this with family life. You just have to do a little at a time.

(mm): What are your motivating factors?

et: There are 2 words I live my life by, "Help others". The book I wrote was my way of trying to teach people how to avoid cavities and gum disease. Music wise, I've seen and heard a lot of great Fil-Am talent. My company, Esofine Productions is an attempt to get some talent discovered.

(mm): Where can we find you in 5 years?

et: Retired from dentistry and full time in a music/film studio

(mm): What steps are you taking to get there?

et: Over the last several years, I've been building my home studio and learning more about the ins and outs of the music industry. Through my dental practice, I've met a lot of music industry people, producers, and studio engineers. Sometimes when I'm working on a project I'll ask for their advice.

(mm): Thoughts on being a business owner...

et: Starting your own business is VERY SCARY. You're literally putting yourself out there hoping people will somehow find you. Plan and map out EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of a business. Ask yourself, "does it make sense? How can i get financing?  What makes me different?  Can I sell it later...which should be the ultimate goal of every business- a lot of people don't realize this. Finally, what is my backup plan should things not work out?

(mm): Thoughts on venturing into the unknown...

et: Trying something new is like starting a new business. However, it's implying that you're not happy with what you're doing now. So, you have to ask yourself those same questions as above. Or consider the "springboard concept"- use a current success to launch another success. Once you reach a goal, don't sit still- "springboard" yourself to the next level. Then keep springboarding throughout life...

(mm): How do you want to be remembered?

et: I want to be remembered as someone who actively tried to make a difference in people's lives. I wrote my book because I've seen young teens and children needing EXPENSIVE dental work. I want people to avoid this in the future. As I look to exit dentistry, this is my way of telling the world, "this is how I can help you." Again, "helping others"- think of those 2 words every time you go to work, you just might do things differently.

To find Eso- you won't have to look far...

single: Invincible by John V available on Itunes
website: http://www.toothsurvival.com/
book: Tooth Survival Guide: http://www.amazon.com/Tooth-Survival-Guide-Protecting-Preserving/dp/144049309X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Don't Even Go There....

After a recent tete a tete with someone very dear to me- I realized just how much we've both grown through the years. Sensitivity was never a factor in our relationship and in fact, harsh name calling, brutal honesty, and good times at the expense of someone else's feelings were things never factored into the equation- that's just the way things worked. Perhaps you're familiar with this sort of odd, twisted relationship....usually it's reserved exclusively for family members or friends you simply can't get rid of- even after 20 years of trying. On this particular occasion and amidst our typical playful banter, apparently I had crossed the line. In a completely inadvertent move on my part, I made an insulting remark about something very important and suddenly the mood shifted, the clouds rolled in, and fisticuffs came out. I touched on a raw nerve, ventured into unchartered territory, and poked fun at something that was strictly off limits. (examples: weight, religious preference, opinions about their spouse). But luckily, thanks to a decades long relationship and years of unconditional love and honesty, my friend was able to immediately be upfront and though trying to jovially pass it off "as no big deal but that was kinda mean"...I eventually wound up getting the message.

In the past, this sort of misunderstanding would've been grounds for a complete blow up. I'd stomp about my apartment wondering how on earth this person could think "I" was insensitive! And as I was carrying on and cursing the absurdity of the situation, I'd refuse to take any responsibility for being hurtful. Though deep inside I'd feel pangs of guilt and regret, I'd still never admit to any wrong doing. But, as you know...things tend to change over time- especially when you truly care about someone. Unlike my younger days, I confronted the situation head on and averted a full screaming match that involved 3rd parties and nasty FB status updates. I apologized for what I said and much to my own surprise...I sincerely meant it. It occurred to me that this wasn't about me and unfortunately...most things don't center solely around me either. It wasn't about my hurt or anger...here was someone trying to be heard and the least I could do was listen. I realized that this shift in the relationship was now moving us beyond the name calling and petty arguments of our youth and right into the maturity of an honest and caring future. And you...are you listening? Do tell...

Who gives a SH#@!?

When heading for a workout on the elliptical machine, two basics are a must- my ipod and a good read. Having as much distraction as possible to get through 40 minutes of repetitive upper and lower body movement is essential to even consider stepping foot near the gym. And speaking of that good read- I'm not talking about Time Magazine or the latest Eckhart Tolle novel but instead something much more thought provoking and worldly like an US Weekly or People. The combination of eye candy plus deafening music certainly make giving up after the first 15 minutes a lot less probable.

On a recent workout session I spotted the latest Star magazine and discretely snuck it back to my apartment. Giddy with excitement- I began to envision how I'd spend the next 60-90 minutes. I imagined brewing a pot of coffee, hanging a "Do not enter or ELSE" sign from my bedroom door, and delving into the latest gossip, photos, and love trysts of the rich and famous. Some people, like my husband- find comfort in watching non stop ESPN or those God awful poker tournaments but me....just a pile of smutty magazine and I'm in heaven. So, armed with with a cup of java, warning sign posted, and a comfy seat- I dive right in. I flipped through articles on Robert Pattinson's new look, Tiger Woods' infidelity, and even take a stab at the crossword puzzle. An hour later and after re-reading stories I had skimmed over initially, i tossed the magazine on the bed and felt surprisingly...unsatisfied. Hearsay, half truths, and tangled webs are typically the cornerstone of any girls existence and perhaps prompted my preference for tabloid verses Tolkien but today, I found myself thinking, "who cares"?  


Bewildered by my unenthusiam of the juiciest celebrity scoop- it occurred to me that I've got my own problems to worry about nevertheless to fret about the likes of Tori Spelling or Jessica Simpson. With my own dreams to fulfill and debacles to tackle- I have neither the time or energy to think about alleged affairs and botox injections. And though having wads of indispensable cash and a treasure trove of celebrity galpals would be just divine- I still wouldn't trade my puny set of circumstances like my Mini Cooper or watching endless hours of volleyball in a sweaty gym for stints in rehab, eating disorders, and a marriage based on convenience and a million dollar bank account. I'm happy knowing that my mistakes will only affect the few whom I care about and any missteps will be far from front page news. And you...what do you care about? Do tell...

Perfecto!

Quote of the day...."Be excellent to each other."


When I initially read this quote- I interpreted it to mean that I should to be genuine, thoughtful, giving, and compassionate towards everyone I encountered...even the people I couldn't bear the sight of. The message was so simple yet so profound, I figured it was worth a shot. Day 1 and things were just rosy. Day 2 and within minutes of walking into the office- my patience is severely tested. By day 3- I revised the quote which now meant..."it's perfectly acceptable to be excellent only to the people you like." 

The funny thing about interpreting impactful statements, quotes of the day, and inspirational bylines is that inevitably- it could mean something completely different than what the author intended. I soon realized that I took the quote too literally and set myself up for failure, for I knew that it wasn't in me to spew insincere pleasantries or feel the need to share my chocolate macadamia nut cookies with just anyone. Instead the twice revised quote about being excellent to others means...sharing my insight when asked, offering sincerity when needed, and practicing being myself on a daily basis. And you, do you practice what you preach?

Interview with a Master

A few months back, an old childhood friend and I reconnected thanks to FB. Somehow I always knew he'd wind up doing amazing things with his life.

Meet Eddy Rolon- JW Wakeman/PS #6, G&T alum, master of scaling high rise apartments, and founder and owner of Openmat Fitness Training, a veritable haven for combat sports enthusiasts who can spar, share and compare techniques in a low ego yet competitive environment located in Lodi, NJ. Eddy's career began innocently enough in 1996, when he recalls being "forced to monitor UFC fights" as part of his job requirement as a service technician for the local cable company. Eventually with his intense training in Combat Sports and hosting openmat sessions- he was ready to begin competing on his own. Eddy would inevitably win the IFC Battleground Heavyweight Championship in Atlantic City in 2001 against a much bigger and stronger opponent that he beat by submission.  Dubbed, "Smilin Eddy Rolon", he's been both ridiculed and admired as a relaxed and smiling competitor. Ultimately, thanks to a small government loan, working odd jobs to make ends meet, and a love for the combination of skill, athleticism and strategy involved in his craft, Eddy was able to open his own Combat Sports Academy in September 2001. 

Here's a short interview with one of the most inspirational and passionate people I know. A few months ago, Eddy reminded me to just "do what I love". Here's payback for those incredible words of wisdom. Mahalo, old friend! 

(mm)*What were your biggest obstacles/challenges in starting and now maintaining your business?

(er) "FAMILY, money, family, time, family and family juggling are the challenges. I do enjoy the extra time I have with my family compared to the 55 hour average work week I had with the cable company. I now enjoy a 35 – 45 hour work week. But is it really WORK when you love what you do? I slack on marketing since word of mouth has always done so well. I also let paperwork and the boring stuff pile up before I’m forced to address it. I think my ADD is the reason for my successes 
and … what were we talking about?"

(mm) *What keeps you motivated?



(er) "This is fun and very important to some people. I’ve trained active military, law enforcement and people who have been forced to defend themselves out in the real world."

(mm) *Does hard work really pay off? Are you living your dream life?

(er) "A measure of my success is that my children have a much better home life than I did. That makes me happy and proud."

(mm) *Thoughts on starting your own business?

(er) "Trying and failing would have been better than never knowing if you could do it."


(mm) *Eddy Rolon will be remembered as ....

(er) "A great father to his children, husband to his wife and friend to his friends…… Wait a second did you hear something? Am I sick? Who’s my doctor? Will insurance cover it? What’s the deductible? 

For more information on Eddy and Open Training Fitness- check out:  www.teamendgame.com