Don't Even Go There....

After a recent tete a tete with someone very dear to me- I realized just how much we've both grown through the years. Sensitivity was never a factor in our relationship and in fact, harsh name calling, brutal honesty, and good times at the expense of someone else's feelings were things never factored into the equation- that's just the way things worked. Perhaps you're familiar with this sort of odd, twisted relationship....usually it's reserved exclusively for family members or friends you simply can't get rid of- even after 20 years of trying. On this particular occasion and amidst our typical playful banter, apparently I had crossed the line. In a completely inadvertent move on my part, I made an insulting remark about something very important and suddenly the mood shifted, the clouds rolled in, and fisticuffs came out. I touched on a raw nerve, ventured into unchartered territory, and poked fun at something that was strictly off limits. (examples: weight, religious preference, opinions about their spouse). But luckily, thanks to a decades long relationship and years of unconditional love and honesty, my friend was able to immediately be upfront and though trying to jovially pass it off "as no big deal but that was kinda mean"...I eventually wound up getting the message.

In the past, this sort of misunderstanding would've been grounds for a complete blow up. I'd stomp about my apartment wondering how on earth this person could think "I" was insensitive! And as I was carrying on and cursing the absurdity of the situation, I'd refuse to take any responsibility for being hurtful. Though deep inside I'd feel pangs of guilt and regret, I'd still never admit to any wrong doing. But, as you know...things tend to change over time- especially when you truly care about someone. Unlike my younger days, I confronted the situation head on and averted a full screaming match that involved 3rd parties and nasty FB status updates. I apologized for what I said and much to my own surprise...I sincerely meant it. It occurred to me that this wasn't about me and unfortunately...most things don't center solely around me either. It wasn't about my hurt or anger...here was someone trying to be heard and the least I could do was listen. I realized that this shift in the relationship was now moving us beyond the name calling and petty arguments of our youth and right into the maturity of an honest and caring future. And you...are you listening? Do tell...