guilt by association

Over the next few weeks- I'll be posting questions that center around things we think but probably never say out loud- especially when it comes to relationships and parenting. Wait- let me rephrase that...perhaps after heavy prompting, multiple glasses of Chardonnay, on the verge or in the midst of a complete meltdown- we're finally ready to tell it like it is. Thank you to those brave souls who've shared their stories, seek clarity, and maybe....just maybe- you begin to live life on your terms- not anyone elses. Wishing you the best!!

dear modern malama,

How do I not feel guilty about spending time with my husband without the kids? How do I not feel guilty for wanting time with the girls, working out, etc? Basically, how do I not feel guilty? Signed, Seeking guilty pleasures.

dearest seeking guilty pleasures,


I'd never advocate for teenage pregnancy however, there is an upside to youthful indiscretions. Being a teenage mother myself- I can attest to the fact that there were 2 kids in the equation...my baby and me. Unable to fully grasp the concept that the life I knew was supposed to end when I became a mom- I simply never bought into that train of thought. So, while balancing bedtime stories with Rutgers RAPS parties- I walked the fine line of mothering my daughter yet nurturing myself. My naivety and underdeveloped guilty conscience apparently served me well in those days. I couldn't ignore all the things I still wanted to do, go, be, or see just because I was a mother. And while my life changed dramatically and it wasn't ALL about me anymore....did that mean NONE of it was about me? Often times, guilt is self inflicted. For some inexplicable reason- with the advent of a nuclear family complete with mini van, and a labrador- we can't help but associate pleasure without the guilt. Perhaps now may be a good time to re-evaluate how much of your life belongs to you. Is it all or none? Or could you possibly wind up in the middle? Somewhere between being a good mom while still nurturing yourself- guilt free, of course.


always, mm