The Grass is Always Green

In an effort to shake a bit of the holiday blues and a mild case of homesickness, our faux Christmas tree went up this evening. This year marks our fourth Christmas in Hawaii and though it's nothing like being home, I can honestly say that we finally know what to expect. When you trade down jackets and miserable weather for shorts and tropical tradewinds- believe it or not, it does take some getting used to. Especially coming from a humongous family like ours where holiday traditions run decades deep. For over 30 years, its been completely normal for me to suffer through frigid winters, argue with the elderly over parking spots in the mall, and spend time with family and friends through company parties, girls nights, and Christmas dinners. Although since moving, much of the norm far from exists. When temps get down in the low 70's, I admittedly feel a bit chilly, I've given up on arguing with the geriatrics, and while I appreciate the lovely weather, our new friends, and laid back lifestyle- I still can't help but to wish for cashmere scarves, ice skating in Central Park, and bone chilling cold.

But,  how could I know I missed those things if I never left them in the first place? How could I appreciate what I had if I never experience anything new? And how could I know what my heart really wants, if I never feel a piece of it missing? Truthfully, without taking chances and risking the possibility of being wrong- I'd probably never know. Instead of feeling regretful and disappointed about all the things that I missed- what I really feel is...absolutely positive that the bridges I crossed and the roads I traveled was exactly what I needed to do. And you- what chances are you taking? Do tell...

so, you wanna be startin' something...?

One of the things i'm less inclined to do in my life is to not take chances. I credit my parents for their fearlessness and unwavering confidence. I don't recall a time when either of them expressed feeling afraid and even after being diagnosed with cancer- each, held their composure and never wavered as being the pillars of strength. Nor did they ever hesitate while walking through the open doors of opportunity. They made it cool to think, live, and belong outside the box.

But, for the past few years I've been playing it safe. I've jumped from one job to the next and pursued one dream after another but never really paid attention from within. Have you ever felt like there's more out there for you? Does fear hold you back? Are you where you want to be? Up until this point in my life, the answers to those questions were a very sad, depressing, and regretful NO. So, I started soul searching and paid attention to the things I loved to do. Writing meant blogging. Raising my daughter meant being a soccer mom. And helping people find their way means modern malama.

modern malama is my way of giving back. As a writer and health coach, I have a strong desire to help people become "unstuck" and shift their energy towards moving in the right direction. Sign up as an "mm follower" and you'll receive 2 complimentary coaching sessions.

Email me at: modernmalama@gmail.com and let's get started on your way to the real you.

MAHALO!

The obvious theme around this time of the year is of course, gratitude. With the state of the economy and a tentative job market, its forced us all to re-evaluate what's truly important in our lives. Just watch any of the Housewives of Atlanta, OC, or New Jersey and they're all talking about "scaling back" or foreclosing on their mansions and these women don't even work real jobs!! So, for the average non millionaire like myself, that's exactly what I've been doing. I now make a serious effort to live off an allowance and cut back where I can. And instead of cursing my paltry paycheck and taunting my husband with names like "the budget nazi", I'm just thankful for a job in healthcare and that at least one of us is good in arithmetic. 

In tenuous times like these, I've been forced to look at all the stuff I've amassed, relationships I've built, and assess what I do with my time and wonder...just how happy am I? Well, after being on monetary lockdown and no longer being able to spend frivolously, I realized that this concept isn't only applicable in matters of the Benjamins but also in how I live my life. After accumulating way too many acquaintances, housing knick knacks I never use, and wasting time on absolutely nothing, its become apparent that now is the time to start trimming the fat. So, after doing my own "number crunching" and with some serious contemplation- I realized that simplicity in every aspect of life is essential. My version of scaling back however, isn't about moving into a smaller mansion or exchanging a Maserati for a BMW, but instead it's loving and appreciating what I already have and to live a life of gratitude even when we start to live in abundance again. And you...what are you thankful for? Do tell...

High/Low

A few months ago, I experienced some of my happiest moments since moving to Hawaii. A shift in energy caused a chain reaction of positivity and suddenly, I found myself enmeshed in some uncharacteristic behavior like, working out, meditating, and entering contests that I would actually win. Beaming with hope and prosperity, I couldn't imagine life getting any better. In fact, I was so optimistic that I even forgot about being homesick and began to let things roll off my back. Without road rage, impatience, and a need to question why idiots exist...i soon began to wonder just what the hell happened to me? In the midst of this new dawning, I started setting realistic goals, checked things off my to-do list, enjoyed an on-again loving relationship with my husband, and finally- a glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel. Though deep in my heart, my inner pessimist wondered just how long these moments of bliss would actually last?  

Then slowly out of nowhere, just as fast as the good fortune came....so did the bad. A string of disheartening events prompted a downward spiral and I immediately found myself retreating back to basics. The negativity, insecurity, and doubt came rolling back into the picture and there I was feeling just like my old self again. I exercised less, made excuses not to write, and wondered if my perfect marriage was merely a figment of my imagination. And while under normal circumstances I would've allowed myself to dig a much deeper hole, this time seemed to be different. By experiencing the hints of an upswing I realized that my darkest days are far behind me. And while its been interesting getting used to the abnormalness of being cheery and genuinely optimistic, I must say- I do look forward to movin' on up!  And you, do you finally have a piece of the pie? Do tell...

Isn't That Special?!

Through the years, I've learned to appreciate the unique qualities that make the people I love who they are. For example, my husband is fiercely competitive and confidently opinionated. My daughter- introspective and deeply passionate. My puppy- sweet, innocent, and genuine. And me, well- I guess I'm the black sheep of the family as jumping to conclusions and impulsive decision making seem to be some of my better known characteristics. I've never been a fan of "thinking things over" or answering questions with a maybe. If something feels right like, happy hour and buffalo wings - that's an automatic and ecstatic, YES!! But torturous and painful encounters like small talk with people I have nothing in common with or socializing with high school volleyball parents, tend to evoke a very spirited, HELL NO! I've come to a point in my life where I respect someones blatant avoidance of me verses them showing any hint of blatant fakeness. I don't do second chances and once lines have been crossed- it's safe to say that there's no turning back.

Most of the healthy social outlook outlined above comes after years of realizing that not everybody gets you and the few that try, are the one's worth holding on to. I feel extremely blessed for having at least 2 people and a dog accept and love me for who I am. And while I am fully aware that I've become a bit anti social and less enthusiastic about making new friends- I know it's because i've accepted being happy with what I have and who I am. God only knows when my circumstances will change...a book deal here, an Oprah appearance there, and possibly hosting my own tv show would be an incredible twist of fate. But regardless of if and when...i do know for sure that- I couldn't be happier. And you...what makes you so special? Do tell...

Insecurity Blanket

I'd like to think that I always had the ability to easily walk away from tumultuous relationships, unhealthy situations, and bad breakups. But in reality- I probably lingered way longer than I should've. The thing about anything messy and complicated is of course, the element of drama. Who doesn't love the big blowups, confrontations, or having the last laugh? I admit, I've been known to relish in all of the above. I've had my fair share of fights over nothing, feelings of insecurities over ex-girlfriends, and a strong desire to be right even when I'm dead wrong. Its truly been exhausting starring, producing, and directing my version of, "As Leslie's world turns". When your habits include blowing things out of proportion, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and expecting the worst- you're bound to live in world full of questions. Answers certainly didn't come easy for me- I can't help but to question everything. If the moon and stars were perfectly aligned and my life was going just the way I wanted it to- somehow, I would feel like it's all too good to be true. When my now husband asked me to marry him in 1999- i think my first response was, "Are you sure?" And when I received any sort of compliments, I would skeptically say, "Are you serious?" 

Looking back, I attribute much of my doubtfulness and need for the drama, drama, drama to a mean case of insecurity. I found it much easier to hide behind being defensive and angry than to actually accept that perhaps I wasn't the smartest, prettiest, and wittiest woman whose ever walked the planet. (although, let's face it- this may be up for debate!!) But, as the years pile on, so do life's lessons about loss, authenticity, and appreciating what you have. By stepping away from my man made soap opera and allowing some time to flourish, I was able to find out what really matters in life. And let me tell you...it's not about what she said, he said, she said about me, who's in my circle of trust, or how much money I make. I found that being caught up in things like office politics, gossip, and vendetta's are completely, unequivocally, and totally a waste of time and energy. And nowadays, my questions tend to center around whether I'm being the best that I can be, am I doing what's right for my family, and am I appreciating life the way I should? And you...what do you question? Do tell...

The Living Years...

I woke up the other day and found a message waiting in my in box. I felt the email energy and knew just who it would be from. For a few days, I had been corresponding with someone and expected a tit back for my tat. And sure enough- there it was. I’d been secretly fretting over the response and hoped as mature adults, we could see each other’s point of view. I skimmed the email, heart racing, and the first thing that came to my mind at 6:30 in the morning was, “Oh please! You’re so clueless.” And just like that, I scampered around my bedroom, got ready for the gym, and nonchalantly mentioned the email to my husband. We both laughed, went back and forth about conspiracy theories, and inevitably concluded that some people really suck at communicating! After spending seven and a half more minutes of my life on this nonsense-  I decided that I wouldn’t waste another second worrying, complaining, or obsessing about something I had no control over.

 

In all honesty, this same scenario would’ve had the “old me” reeling for days. I can picture it now…I imagine reading the email, jolting my husband out of his peaceful sleep, and evoking my inner sailor’s penchant for curse words and angry snarls. With hands flailing and visions of committing lewd acts on my cyber nemesis- I would’ve simply allowed myself to stew on frustration and conclude that not only do people suck at communicating, but that the chip on my shoulder seemed to be getting heavier by the minute. My long and tumultuous love affair with over reacting, sweating the small stuff, and feeling powerless to change was after all, a nasty habit that I just couldn’t shake.  And while I’d love to tell you that one day I woke up, read a dozen “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books, and made 3 decades of carefully crafted insecurities magically disappear- we all know that things are never as easy as they seem. 

But, with a little soul searching and honesty I began to welcome clarity and perspective into my life. Instead of letting my pride and ego ruin my sensibility, I began to do, say, and act from the heart. I let my guard down in order to experience a world outside my comfort zone,  and I began to regain control over who, where, and what I am. In my dad's last letter to my siblings and I he wrote, “it’s not what life did to you but what you’ve done in your life.” For a man with so little time in this world, he sure knew how to live! And you...are you living the dream? Do tell...