for all we know....

With the new decade upon us- I can't help but reflect on the last 10 years of my life. Going from 27 to 37 I've learned, has not only sharpened my hawk-like instincts but has also made me much more self aware and oh so wise to the ways of the world. Although, on the flip side, I must say- time has also been somewhat of a mean, cruel, practical joker. With the advent of visible crows feet, a pinch more cynicism, and longing for my PJ's and a Lifetime movie on a Saturday night (Craigslist Killer, anyone?!)- I'm totally feeling the wiser but seriously...does OLDER really need to be par for the course?

But I guess in relative terms- young is to naive; as old is to being enlightened. And though I miss the Pollyanna optimism of my 20's- I must admit- knowing exactly who I am, what truly matters, and who absolutely counts is an invaluable lesson that only time will tell. And while many things in life have succumbed to alterations like facial elasticity and multiple changes of address- I guess the only thing I know for certain is that the next 10 years should be a helluva good time!! And you...what does your future hold? do tell...

greetings and salutations...

Where have I been, you say? I know, I know...long time, no prose. Well, to put it mildly, I guess I've been out of sight, out of my mind these past few months. Wrapped up in all those little things like moving cross country, starting a new job, and overcoming a nasty bout of empty nest syndrome, just to name a few. And though I'm back to being as tightly wound as an east coast Republican living in DC, which coincidentally- is exactly whom I've become; I must say, a little change in pace never hurt anyone.

And so, I've moved on. Far, far away from the lush tropics of Hawaii. Where eye contact and a smile mean more than a Hugo Boss suit and a six figure salary; far from kalbi plate lunches with a side of mac salad and sunsets on the North Shore. And while most are happy for my return back east- I often get some pretty mixed reviews.  Shock, dismay, and disgusted as to why I'd forgo trade winds and 365 days of perfect convertible weather for what? A couple of months to enjoy leaves turn a shade of orange before shriveling up to die? To experience bitter cold and seasonal affect disorder all over again? To be shoved, pushed, and stared at by people who've never seen good looking Asians before? Well, in fact- yes...perhaps I am a little nuts but here's what I think- a fickle mind is a terrible thing to waste...therefore changing mine often has never hurt me. And you...do you think in or outside the box? Do tell...

life...scripted

Considering that I live on an island and only mildly enjoy frolicking in the gorgeous Pacific ocean-  this very under stimulated city girl is left to some seriously questionable vices. Reality TV, obsessive over analyzing, and commiserating with a puppy have become my all time favorite, yet completely mindless stress relievers. Some of you have X-Box, my husband has Tetris, and as for me...I've got "unscripted" television and a love for alcoholic beverages. Between all the conflict and competition- great tv doesn't get any better than an "F" bombing British chef and a prostitution whore- engaged 9 times.

And though everyday life is far less interesting than cable has you believe- I suppose in some ways- we're truly the lucky ones. In reality- there is no entourage and there are no directors. The reality is...we're all a bunch of writers just writing our own script. We edit, delete, and revise as needed. Sometimes we struggle with writer's block and sometimes we let our imaginations run free. And so regardless of circumstance, upbringing, or current state of mind- one should never forget that he who holds the pen- also writes the story. And you- how's your script unfolding? Do tell...

a question of trust...

Trust has been a very popular topic these days. Well, with the likes of Tiger Woods and his uber naughty gaggle of strippers and alleged baby mama's- one can't help but wonder, "what if?" But- what if your husband/boyfriend/partner is NO Tiger Woods? What if he's completely trustworthy, pro-monogamy, and his most notable stint at infamy lies somewhere between puberty and adolescence? The question of trust then...is perhaps not about someone else but instead- someone closer. Hmmm- I wonder who that could be?

dear modern malama,

I'm not sure why- but I can't seem to trust my boyfriend lately. He's given me no reason not to trust him but I'm really scared of getting hurt. How can I be more trusting? Signed, A suspicious mind

dearest a suspicious mind,


Well let me first say, my dear, that a suspicious mind is a terrible thing to waste! With the oil spill in the Gulf and Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence- I can't see why you'd bother fretting over a little thing like trust? Backstabbing, double crossing, and two timing is simply a fact of life. So for the sake of your own sanity- I advise you to accept that STAT, and move on to other things like grad school or finding a cure for cancer.  


The truth about trust is that it starts within. Questioning someone else's intentions may not be the solution if perhaps, you're simply not aware of your own. So, maybe instead of giving that poor boyfriend of yours the old third degree- you begin by taking a little heat yourself and ask, "where the hell is this coming from?" Our tendencies to hold on to baggage of years, decades, and eons past eventually catches up with us. And instead of enjoying the blissful beginnings of a new romance or appreciating the enduring love of marriage- you're stuck between yourself and a hard place. And so what if you get hurt? Maybe you do or maybe you don't. But here's what I think- let it go and find better things to do with your mind. Love, my friend, is a terrible thing to waste.  


always, mm

wishes do come true...

First and foremost, a BIG mahalo aka MAHOLLER for all my birthday greetings. I can't tell you how special 800 FB messages and texts makes a girl feel at 5 in the morning!! But just to give you a gist- it's better than Christmas simply because birthdays are a one way street, with the destination ultimately leading to my happiness, of course. So today, our adventures are as follows: breakfast at the Moana, catch a matinee, sip a cold beer on Kailua beach, then sip a hot coffee at Kalapawai Market, and cap the evening off with a two and half pound lobster. Simplicity, I've learned is truly the greatest gift of all. But, hey- make no mistake, a Harry Winston sapphire ring comes in as a VERY close second!

And so in the spirit of wishful thinking- I must say, despite my ripe old age...I still have quite a few up my sleeve. Mostly, centering around luxury goods, independent wealth, and the kicker obviously being-genuine happiness. Which I'm proud to say that having 1 out of 3 (and no, I don't own a Maserati or have a Swiss bank account) isn't too shabby. So, in case you hoped all my wishes came true...no worries, they already have. Thanks again, everyone!

down and dirty...

Picture this...a group of women venting their frustrations about marriage, work, kids, weight- you name it. The conversation can take place anywhere- the lunch room, happy hour, adjoining bathroom stalls- it doesn't matter. When it comes to expressing how we feel and what we think- location is hardly relevant. And therefore- thanks again to those who've submitted your very insightful and honest questions to modern malama. I couldn't do it without you. Much mahalos.

dear modern malama, 
How do I fight fair when my significant other doesn't? And by the way, marriage counseling is not an option. Signed, Down and Dirty


dearest down and dirty, 
As kids we're often told by our parents to ignore certain behaviors. If the resident racist wants to make derogatory slurs...don't listen. If the 6 foot, eleven year old bully steals your lunch money...deal with it- she's probably poor. And if the popular kids want to poke fun at you for being different...well, in 20 years they'll most likely live in a trailer park and drink white Zinfindel out of a box. So perhaps- "oh, just ignore them" isn't such bad advice after all. 

But as we get older, find our voices, and gain confidence- ignoring ignorance isn't as easy as the old sticks and stones adage. In fact- words can indeed be very hurtful. And if you're accustomed to doing more shutting up than throwing down- fighting, whether it's clean or dirty... may make you feel just like that kid in the schoolyard all over again. However, this time you're older and wiser. And when it comes to relationships- just remember...there's a huge difference between making a point and wanting to fight. If all you want to do is voice your opinion then go right ahead, sister. Speak up and say it loud. This marriage, commitment, debauchery is a two way street and don't you forget it! But if all your honey bear wants to do is incite World War 3....then I say go a little old school and just ignore 'em. 


always, mm

choose or lose...

Between the Real Housewives of New York and New Jersey- I've seen enough vicious cat fighting, plastic surgery, and brutal honesty to pacify any curiosity I had about what the filthy rich do in their spare time. A little charitable deed here to feed the homeless, a little backstabbing there to your one time BFF and voila! The perfect recipe for a spin off, a ratings smash, and glimpses into why you should never cross a Jersey girl. (table flipping is optional though highly probable). And though you'll often find me glued to the television with my mouth gaping and enthusiastically awaiting next weeks episode- I must admit...reality tv drama: good. Real life drama: bad, at least for me, that is. In a nutshell, I'm too old to give a shit so quite frankly- let's not even go there.

Although despite avoiding certain situations, distancing yourself from toxic people, and maintaining a relatively drama free existence- the truth is, you can run but you can't hide. A couple of recent encounters tempted me to revisit some past behaviors and instead of playing along with the mind games and getting caught up in those silly little webs- I knew I had to choose. Would I be the typical finger pointing, loud mouth who rolled out the welcome mat every time major conflict and upheaval arose? (Ohhh- how I miss those days!) Or, would I simply choose the alternative? I mean, sure life gets a little redundant minus the conspiracy theories and daily gossiping but quite frankly, my dear...I don't give a shit. And you...do you believe the hearsay? Do tell...