modern malama

all you need is _________?

2012-01-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

Growing up in a large family with lots of cousins, friends, and friends of friends makes the world feel like a much smaller place. It's easy to feel popular when you're related to at least half the town along with scattered relatives on the west coast, parts of Michigan and of course, in the motherland itself. And while the perks are absolutely fantastic like the free ensamada at the Philippine Bread House thanks to Tita Baby and discounted wedding photography care of Tito Bong- there is a downside. If there's one thing growing up Filipino has taught me- its that thick skin is not optional. There's no such thing as beating around the bush or probing gingerly when it comes to sensitive topics. As far as sweet Tita Baby is concerned everything from your recent weight gain (umm- it's cold out there!) to your career choices ("why didn't you go to medical school?") are up for discussion. Observations and comparisons run amok within immediate families, extended relatives, and in the community. Who has the prettiest daughter? Who has the smartest son? Who's a doctor? Who's going to be a doctor? Who's going to marry a doctor? And so on...

But despite growing up amongst harsh criticism and nagging insecurities, which every teenager can attest to, whether your lola strongly suggests using Proactive or not, I'm just grateful to have grown out of giving a shit. As a mother, wife, and friend- I recognize the affect I have on future generations. And while everyone could use a thicker coat of skin- why not impact the world in a more positive way? With that said, I now choose my words wisely (at least most of the time), I listen with more patience and without judgment (except if you're being dumb), and just so you know- I got your back (whether you need me or not). Because as far as I'm concerned- spreading the love isn't optional! And you...what's your impact going to be? do tell...

**I dedicate this blog to my wonderful family, most especially my dad and lola. Thanks to their keen observations and wicked sense of humor- its made me who I am. The world is a lot less interesting and not quite as funny without you in it.**

she's like the wind...

2012-01-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

As anyone close to me will tell you- I'm notorious for changing my mind (as seen in the new mm layout). One day- I'm a wedding planner and the next I'm jetting off to Hawaii to start a new life. Today, I'm a writer but who knows what tomorrow may bring. Stand up comedy? Hand modeling? I'm open to it all. In many ways- I live for the uncertainty in life. Currently I live in Arlington, Virginia where people are painfully politically correct, restaurants are fairly homogeneous, and if certainty is the bane of my existence- you can betcha bottom dollar- I'm starting to get a little f#@!king antsy!

In the past 5 years- I've moved to 3 states, 5 cities, 2 coasts, lived in 3 houses and 2 apartments. Yes, I officially HATE moving! But for a gal who lived in the same house for over 30 years- I guess a move or 2 wasn't going to kill me. And just for the sake of sounding cliche- why, yes- it did make me stronger. Every move meant a new job, new friends, and a different neighborhood. And while you can take the girl out of Jersey City...let me tell you- you can't take that girl with you everywhere you go. (I've had to tone down the profanity and vulgar hand gestures since) Change is inevitable whether we like it or not. And so maybe the thrill in life isn't about different cities or meeting new people. Perhaps all we really know for certain is that we'll never know what tomorrows gonna bring. (though one more move isn't going to kill anyone!) And you...what do you live for? do tell...

the benefits of doubt...

2011-10-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

Some call me cynical while others deem me cautious. Growing up in the inner city- being leery of scam artists, liars, and crooks is as good a defense mechanism as knowing how to throw down at a school yard brawl. Being both a participant and a spectator at many an old school melee complete with knuckle rings, Vaseline, and aluminum bats- can you really blame a girl for being so guarded? In my day, (I cannot believe I'm old enough to write that!) street smarts wasn't just about knowing where your ass shouldn't be after dark, it was about instincts. And more importantly, trusting them. Over the years, I've moved further from those humble beginnings. Coincidentally, to places where people never look over their shoulders or have ever ordered Chinese takeout through a bullet proof window. And though its been an arduous transition, I must admit, taking the dog for an evening stroll without the threat of being jumped and/or mugged is truly a novel idea!

But, no matter how far or how long I've journeyed from home- the one thing I've never lost are my gut instincts. Its learned everything from the past, keeps me focused on the future, and weeds out the minutiae. And though I live in a more homogeneous community riddled with over achievers and overpriced chicken wings, as a true city girl at heart- I can still sense bad intentions from a mile away; I know a liar when I see one, and honey, cross me and I wouldn't even think twice about taking off the gold hoop earrings and slapping on the Vaseline! And you...when in doubt- who do you trust? Do tell...

carolina on my mind...

2011-09-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

A few days prior to a long awaited weekend getaway, in which I would bask in the hot Carolina sun (with heaping doses of Maui Babe), sip margaritas poolside (like a drunk housewife), and live it up like a trust fund baby (think Suri Cruise)- I was rudely reminded that hurricane Irene was fast approaching with a vengeance. To add to mother natures cruel way of messing with me- DC was hit with a 5.8 magnitude earthquake 3 days before the trip. Truthfully, there aren't many things that prohibit me from getting what I want. But 2 natural disasters in the same week?! The visions of cabana cocktails and harmful sun exposure was fading faster than my base tan. I mean, who was I to challenge 40mph winds and shifting tectonic plates?

Between Sam Champion predicting a category 4 hurricane and my Debbie Downer co-worker gleefully singing the Eurythmics classic, "Here comes the rain again" on a daily basis (you crotchety whale)..our situation looked more than bleak. Without Greek god powers or a voodoo rain dance- canceling the trip seemed eminent. Unless of course, there was hope or at least a glimmer of it; hell, at this point- give me a speck. And so against the advice of the weather channel- we packed our bags, checked into our flight, and arrived at the airport early (which, on Filipino time means right before boarding). It turns out that hoping for the best, turning off the news, and tuning out the haters was the smartest thing we'd done all week. Luckily, Irene bypassed the coast and we were met with nothing but sunny skies, southern hospitality, and vodka infused Arnold Palmers. I suppose no one can ever really predict how things will turn out regardless of the world we live in. In the end, when there's nothing left...there's always hope. Or at least I hope so. And you? do tell...

sugar and spice...

2011-08-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Listen, there’s no question- I think my mother did a fine job raising her family. As a single mother with 3 kids, a full time job and her own aspirations- where she excelled, like many other Filipino parents, was at working 16 hour shifts and enforcing discipline thru the use of kitchen gadgets and plastic hangers. While in the present day striking your child with a wooden spoon may land you probation and a day in family court, my mom still vehemently proclaims- “That was not neglect!” in her high pitched Visayan accent, “that was love!” Well, call it what you like. All I know is- I don’t mess with the woman. And while I credit Lil (my mom) for passing down such lovely traits as “the look of death” and a disregard for public humiliation of teenagers- which, ironically made me a stronger person; I do wish she taught me a thing or two about being vulnerable. Being raised by an alpha female- there are only 2 options. Kill. Or be killed (figuratively, of course).

Therefore things like compassion and kindness are more self taught rather than being a part of my genetic makeup. When dealing with a frustrating situation- my natural tendency is to want to incite physical harm.When dealt the blow of rejection- the obvious solution is to find a sharp object. And when backed into a corner- you go right for the jugular. But truthfully, a little bit of reflection and a deeper sense of self awareness would've served me far better than the impermeable fortress I built to protect my heart. As a modern day mother- I'm less inclined to work a minute over an 8 hour shift and don't feel the urge to grab a utensil every time I lose it. And instead of flying off the handle...I encourage my daughter to just handle things. And while my emotional maturity has a lot of catching up to do- I take comfort knowing I'm only 38 on paper. And you...are you still a kid at heart? (figuratively, of course) do tell...

**this is an ode to the greatest woman I know. Lil- you're one in a billion!! (literally!)

voices carry....

2011-08-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

After an 8 month hiatus and having officially adapted (very well, I may add) back to my old mainland ways (think- road rage and cursing like you really f@!#ing mean it) I'd say it's time to put the fingers to the keyboard and get write on it! I've always had a bit of a love/hate relationship with all my ambitious follies but none gives me greater satisfaction than to write. A former boss once asked me what I'd like to do with the rest of my life and I told him, "If i could get paid for just being myself- that would be a dream come true." Now, what that really means and how it translates to a viable career...I haven't the foggiest. But what I do know is this...I can either continue to work my menial 9-5 with a bunch of middle aged women obsessed with Kashi meals and passive aggressiveness; who coincidentally, consider climbing 2 flights of stairs a workout (outta my way, granny!) OR.....

Yes, clearly- it is time to come out of hiding (mostly due to writers block and a heaping dose of self loathing- I really do hate those voices!) and start living the dream. How, when, or WTF?!...are TBD. And so, it's times like this when I remember my dad saying, "It always starts with the first step." So, here I go. But not without the self loather creeping in- "But, but- you always say that!" And in true Leslie fashion- where rebuffs are a mix of eloquence and expletives...well, we all know where this is going. But- here's something I don't know- how do YOU respond to the voices in your head? do tell...

**to all those that have encouraged me along the way...thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

growing pains...

2011-01-26T23:03:00.000-08:00

Whenever relationships in my life go awry I can't help but think about my childhood best friend. And coincidentally whenever relationships in my daughter's life takes a turn- I am demonically compelled to share this story, yet again, for the seventeen thousandth time. Basically it goes a little something like this: the year was 1987; I had a BFF that I was gonna KIT with 4eva and eva; we planned on having a dual garden wedding (obviously married to brothers), live in the same neighborhood, and star in the Asian version of the Golden Girls. Life was perfect...she was the Betty White to my Bea Arthur and we were going to live happily ever after. Until the day she decided to move on without so much as a phone call or an explanation. Like most pubescent 14 year olds- not only was I hormonal but devastatingly heart broken.

Relationships are funny that way- nobody expects an expiration date unless of course, things start to smell a little fishy. As a teenager- you could've graffitied the writing on the wall in neon spray paint and bubble letters and I still would've been clueless about our doomed friendship. But now at 37- I know a connection when I feel one and am positive when I don't. In life, some relationships will go south while others flourish. You may be completely misunderstood by one and then appear crystal clear to another. And though we may not want to admit it- all things (yes, ALL) will come to its inevitable end. But if time has taught me anything- it's to celebrate what I have and cherish what I had. Because let's face it- without a little humility...how grown up are we? do tell...

bits and pieces...

2011-01-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

Whenever anyone asks whether I miss Hawaii- my immediate response is a very casual, "not really." Fully expecting a "why the hell not or WTF is wrong with you?" I quickly launch into a laundry list of reasons for leaving one of the most beautiful places on earth. Typically- family, boredom and distance top the pile of excuses which to me, make perfect sense. But being that it's now the dead of January- with temps hovering in the teens, snuggled beneath comforters, cashmere socks, and flannel PJ's- I do find myself wondering, "WTF is wrong with you?"

And while I stand behind my decision to forgo 365 days of sunshine- what I've come to realize is that perhaps I suffer from a case of selective memory. Just like when my husband says I hear what I want...I guess you could say, my recollection is just as finicky. I mean, it's not as if seasonal affect disorder or sarcasm and a condescending tone are anything new. They're merely survival tools for east coast living- that I recall (vividly). And though Honolulu is becoming a distant memory- I'll never forget how far a smile and a disposable cooler could take you. At the end of the day- don't we all see, hear, and feel what we want...even when the memories are kind of fuzzy? do tell...

for all we know....

2011-01-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

With the new decade upon us- I can't help but reflect on the last 10 years of my life. Going from 27 to 37 I've learned, has not only sharpened my hawk-like instincts but has also made me much more self aware and oh so wise to the ways of the world. Although, on the flip side, I must say- time has also been somewhat of a mean, cruel, practical joker. With the advent of visible crows feet, a pinch more cynicism, and longing for my PJ's and a Lifetime movie on a Saturday night (Craigslist Killer, anyone?!)- I'm totally feeling the wiser but seriously...does OLDER really need to be par for the course?

But I guess in relative terms- young is to naive; as old is to being enlightened. And though I miss the Pollyanna optimism of my 20's- I must admit- knowing exactly who I am, what truly matters, and who absolutely counts is an invaluable lesson that only time will tell. And while many things in life have succumbed to alterations like facial elasticity and multiple changes of address- I guess the only thing I know for certain is that the next 10 years should be a helluva good time!! And you...what does your future hold? do tell...

greetings and salutations...

2010-10-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

Where have I been, you say? I know, I know...long time, no prose. Well, to put it mildly, I guess I've been out of sight, out of my mind these past few months. Wrapped up in all those little things like moving cross country, starting a new job, and overcoming a nasty bout of empty nest syndrome, just to name a few. And though I'm back to being as tightly wound as an east coast Republican living in DC, which coincidentally- is exactly whom I've become; I must say, a little change in pace never hurt anyone.

And so, I've moved on. Far, far away from the lush tropics of Hawaii. Where eye contact and a smile mean more than a Hugo Boss suit and a six figure salary; far from kalbi plate lunches with a side of mac salad and sunsets on the North Shore. And while most are happy for my return back east- I often get some pretty mixed reviews. Shock, dismay, and disgusted as to why I'd forgo trade winds and 365 days of perfect convertible weather for what? A couple of months to enjoy leaves turn a shade of orange before shriveling up to die? To experience bitter cold and seasonal affect disorder all over again? To be shoved, pushed, and stared at by people who've never seen good looking Asians before? Well, in fact- yes...perhaps I am a little nuts but here's what I think- a fickle mind is a terrible thing to waste...therefore changing mine often has never hurt me. And you...do you think in or outside the box? Do tell...

life...scripted

2010-07-11T01:50:00.000-07:00

Considering that I live on an island and only mildly enjoy frolicking in the gorgeous Pacific ocean- this very under stimulated city girl is left to some seriously questionable vices. Reality TV, obsessive over analyzing, and commiserating with a puppy have become my all time favorite, yet completely mindless stress relievers. Some of you have X-Box, my husband has Tetris, and as for me...I've got "unscripted" television and a love for alcoholic beverages. Between all the conflict and competition- great tv doesn't get any better than an "F" bombing British chef and a prostitution whore- engaged 9 times.

And though everyday life is far less interesting than cable has you believe- I suppose in some ways- we're truly the lucky ones. In reality- there is no entourage and there are no directors. The reality is...we're all a bunch of writers just writing our own script. We edit, delete, and revise as needed. Sometimes we struggle with writer's block and sometimes we let our imaginations run free. And so regardless of circumstance, upbringing, or current state of mind- one should never forget that he who holds the pen- also writes the story. And you- how's your script unfolding? Do tell...

a question of trust...

2010-07-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

Trust has been a very popular topic these days. Well, with the likes of Tiger Woods and his uber naughty gaggle of strippers and alleged baby mama's- one can't help but wonder, "what if?" But- what if your husband/boyfriend/partner is NO Tiger Woods? What if he's completely trustworthy, pro-monogamy, and his most notable stint at infamy lies somewhere between puberty and adolescence? The question of trust then...is perhaps not about someone else but instead- someone closer. Hmmm- I wonder who that could be?

dear modern malama,

I'm not sure why- but I can't seem to trust my boyfriend lately. He's given me no reason not to trust him but I'm really scared of getting hurt. How can I be more trusting? Signed, A suspicious mind

dearest a suspicious mind,

Well let me first say, my dear, that a suspicious mind is a terrible thing to waste! With the oil spill in the Gulf and Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence- I can't see why you'd bother fretting over a little thing like trust? Backstabbing, double crossing, and two timing is simply a fact of life. So for the sake of your own sanity- I advise you to accept that STAT, and move on to other things like grad school or finding a cure for cancer.

The truth about trust is that it starts within. Questioning someone else's intentions may not be the solution if perhaps, you're simply not aware of your own. So, maybe instead of giving that poor boyfriend of yours the old third degree- you begin by taking a little heat yourself and ask, "where the hell is this coming from?" Our tendencies to hold on to baggage of years, decades, and eons past eventually catches up with us. And instead of enjoying the blissful beginnings of a new romance or appreciating the enduring love of marriage- you're stuck between yourself and a hard place. And so what if you get hurt? Maybe you do or maybe you don't. But here's what I think- let it go and find better things to do with your mind. Love, my friend, is a terrible thing to waste.

always, mm

wishes do come true...

2010-07-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, a BIG mahalo aka MAHOLLER for all my birthday greetings. I can't tell you how special 800 FB messages and texts makes a girl feel at 5 in the morning!! But just to give you a gist- it's better than Christmas simply because birthdays are a one way street, with the destination ultimately leading to my happiness, of course. So today, our adventures are as follows: breakfast at the Moana, catch a matinee, sip a cold beer on Kailua beach, then sip a hot coffee at Kalapawai Market, and cap the evening off with a two and half pound lobster. Simplicity, I've learned is truly the greatest gift of all. But, hey- make no mistake, a Harry Winston sapphire ring comes in as a VERY close second!

And so in the spirit of wishful thinking- I must say, despite my ripe old age...I still have quite a few up my sleeve. Mostly, centering around luxury goods, independent wealth, and the kicker obviously being-genuine happiness. Which I'm proud to say that having 1 out of 3 (and no, I don't own a Maserati or have a Swiss bank account) isn't too shabby. So, in case you hoped all my wishes came true...no worries, they already have. Thanks again, everyone!

down and dirty...

2010-06-25T02:45:00.000-07:00

Picture this...a group of women venting their frustrations about marriage, work, kids, weight- you name it. The conversation can take place anywhere- the lunch room, happy hour, adjoining bathroom stalls- it doesn't matter. When it comes to expressing how we feel and what we think- location is hardly relevant. And therefore- thanks again to those who've submitted your very insightful and honest questions to modern malama. I couldn't do it without you. Much mahalos.

dear modern malama,
How do I fight fair when my significant other doesn't? And by the way, marriage counseling is not an option. Signed, Down and Dirty

dearest down and dirty,
As kids we're often told by our parents to ignore certain behaviors. If the resident racist wants to make derogatory slurs...don't listen. If the 6 foot, eleven year old bully steals your lunch money...deal with it- she's probably poor. And if the popular kids want to poke fun at you for being different...well, in 20 years they'll most likely live in a trailer park and drink white Zinfindel out of a box. So perhaps- "oh, just ignore them" isn't such bad advice after all.

But as we get older, find our voices, and gain confidence- ignoring ignorance isn't as easy as the old sticks and stones adage. In fact- words can indeed be very hurtful. And if you're accustomed to doing more shutting up than throwing down- fighting, whether it's clean or dirty... may make you feel just like that kid in the schoolyard all over again. However, this time you're older and wiser. And when it comes to relationships- just remember...there's a huge difference between making a point and wanting to fight. If all you want to do is voice your opinion then go right ahead, sister. Speak up and say it loud. This marriage, commitment, debauchery is a two way street and don't you forget it! But if all your honey bear wants to do is incite World War 3....then I say go a little old school and just ignore 'em.

always, mm

choose or lose...

2010-06-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

Between the Real Housewives of New York and New Jersey- I've seen enough vicious cat fighting, plastic surgery, and brutal honesty to pacify any curiosity I had about what the filthy rich do in their spare time. A little charitable deed here to feed the homeless, a little backstabbing there to your one time BFF and voila! The perfect recipe for a spin off, a ratings smash, and glimpses into why you should never cross a Jersey girl. (table flipping is optional though highly probable). And though you'll often find me glued to the television with my mouth gaping and enthusiastically awaiting next weeks episode- I must admit...reality tv drama: good. Real life drama: bad, at least for me, that is. In a nutshell, I'm too old to give a shit so quite frankly- let's not even go there.

Although despite avoiding certain situations, distancing yourself from toxic people, and maintaining a relatively drama free existence- the truth is, you can run but you can't hide. A couple of recent encounters tempted me to revisit some past behaviors and instead of playing along with the mind games and getting caught up in those silly little webs- I knew I had to choose. Would I be the typical finger pointing, loud mouth who rolled out the welcome mat every time major conflict and upheaval arose? (Ohhh- how I miss those days!) Or, would I simply choose the alternative? I mean, sure life gets a little redundant minus the conspiracy theories and daily gossiping but quite frankly, my dear...I don't give a shit. And you...do you believe the hearsay? Do tell...

coming of age

2010-06-17T03:17:00.000-07:00

A few days ago my daughter celebrated her 18th birthday. Growing up in American society, technically speaking, that makes her a bonafide adult. But if I hold on to my traditional Filipina roots- technically, there's no telling when she'll stop being my little girl. I mean, let's face it- I know grown men and women who, to this day, are still coddled, supported, and financiered by their immigrant parents...that's just how we Filipinos do. Unfortunately, my parents never got that memo so I can't say I've been privy to the indulgence, but I have seen quite a bit of it in my lifetime. And while I'm all about sticking to tradition- I have no intention nor the funds to continue bank rolling what I'm sure will be, an absolutely fabulous lifestyle. Soon enough, letting go- is inevitable.

Tonight as my daughter and her friends readied for their first foray into the club scene- I couldn't help but reminisce about my own club days at the Limelight and Down Under many (well, not THAT many) years ago. In all the excitement I must admit, I did contemplate this evenings options. A night of clubbing with a bunch of teenagers or the season premiere of Top Chef DC? For the sake of good common sense and realizing that my heyday has passed- Bravo proved victorious and so did I. If letting go is the ultimate objective- I guess starting now- will lessen the blow in the future. Inevitably, we all have to grow up someday. And you...when do you cut the cord? Do tell...

guilt by association

2010-06-04T03:47:00.000-07:00

Over the next few weeks- I'll be posting questions that center around things we think but probably never say out loud- especially when it comes to relationships and parenting. Wait- let me rephrase that...perhaps after heavy prompting, multiple glasses of Chardonnay, on the verge or in the midst of a complete meltdown- we're finally ready to tell it like it is. Thank you to those brave souls who've shared their stories, seek clarity, and maybe....just maybe- you begin to live life on your terms- not anyone elses. Wishing you the best!!

dear modern malama,

How do I not feel guilty about spending time with my husband without the kids? How do I not feel guilty for wanting time with the girls, working out, etc? Basically, how do I not feel guilty? Signed, Seeking guilty pleasures.

dearest seeking guilty pleasures,

I'd never advocate for teenage pregnancy however, there is an upside to youthful indiscretions. Being a teenage mother myself- I can attest to the fact that there were 2 kids in the equation...my baby and me. Unable to fully grasp the concept that the life I knew was supposed to end when I became a mom- I simply never bought into that train of thought. So, while balancing bedtime stories with Rutgers RAPS parties- I walked the fine line of mothering my daughter yet nurturing myself. My naivety and underdeveloped guilty conscience apparently served me well in those days. I couldn't ignore all the things I still wanted to do, go, be, or see just because I was a mother. And while my life changed dramatically and it wasn't ALL about me anymore....did that mean NONE of it was about me? Often times, guilt is self inflicted. For some inexplicable reason- with the advent of a nuclear family complete with mini van, and a labrador- we can't help but associate pleasure without the guilt. Perhaps now may be a good time to re-evaluate how much of your life belongs to you. Is it all or none? Or could you possibly wind up in the middle? Somewhere between being a good mom while still nurturing yourself- guilt free, of course.

always, mm

fearLES

2010-05-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

I know, I know...long time, no write. But at least I've got viable excuses like my daughters high school graduation, playing tour guide, and a bit of soul searching over the past 2 weeks to fall back on. Too much on the brain has put me in an uninspired state of mind and for the 20 of you who are kind enough to read my blog- I couldn't bear to bring you down with me. Fortunately- the cloud has lifted and the whirlwind surrounding yet another milestone has subsided. It's back to business but not the usual kind. I figure- what's the sense of soul searching if you're not going to make any changes? And technically speaking- what's the point in reveling in ah-ha moments if status quo really isn't that bad? What I've uncovered is that I'm chock full of excuses and remain begrudgingly as is because you know what? I've got everything I need- time, talent, and fear....the perfect cocktail for complacency.

But in these moments of clarity- I realized that fear is natural, time is a blessing, and talent is a gift. What's kept me immobile all these years hasn't been the fear of failing but the fear of success. What if I became a published writer? What if I hosted my own tv show? And what if I achieved everything I said I would? How scary would that be? And you- what are you afraid of? Do tell...

As part of my campaign for success- I've submitted an audition tape to Oprah who's looking for talent for her new OWN Network. I mean, what's so scary about that?
http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=add_video&entity_id=208121280

once upon a time, do tell...

2010-05-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

This next modern malama question came just in the nick of time. Convinced that perhaps this dabbling in Dear Abby was an official bust after only 2 posts and a screeching halt to all the hundreds of questions I thought I'd get- I was either going to start making up bogus scenario's OR re-evaluate whether coaching is my true calling. And just as fate would have it...in popped the question, "is this really it?" Literally. Thanks for sharing!

dear modern malama,

I'm 35, married, have two children, and a very promising career. However there are plenty of times when I stop and think to myself..."This is it? IS this really it? Am I searching for something else? Shouldn't I be satisfied with what I have now?" Everyone I know would kill to have what I have...but why do I still ask myself..."is this it?" Signed, Questions and Answers

dearest q&a,

My oh my- long gone are the days when our biggest dilemma centered around which hairspray had better volume control and long lasting hold- Aqua Net or Rave? Wouldn't you kill for just a few more minutes of mindless indiscretion? To think about nothing more than Goldschlager shots, shopping at Contempo Casuals, and masterminding the future? To be fearless and naive; when the sky was the limit and you believed in everything you said.

Fast forward 20 years and downing shots and frivolous spending is all but a thing of the past. (for most of us, at least) With a promising career on the horizon and a growing family to care for- what's really the alternative to being responsible? Truthfully- there is none. You've simply gotta do- what you gotta do. But does that mean that this is it? Are you supposed to be satisfied with a six figure income and a house in the burbs? You're absolutely right- some people would kill to have what you do. But clearly your doubts mean something more, something missing, something a cushy job and a golden retriever can't fix. So, here's a better question- one that's inspired by youth and fearlessness....instead of asking whether this is it, why not figure out, what's next? Your job, your family- that's covered. But YOU on the other hand- sky's the limit, right?! Or so you said once upon a time...

always, mm

change is inevitable...

2010-05-11T02:52:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it would be absolutely divine to wake in the morning full of energy and commitment towards bettering your life? Whatever change you seek- whether it's losing five pounds, starting a new career, or simply having a more positive outlook, the fact of the matter is- change doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process that's been studied by researchers and psychologists for years. This weeks health coaching session is centered around the stages of change by Dr. James Prochaska which I'd love to share with you. It's a great way to see where you're at, figure out where you want to be, and hopefully make it all the way to the new you. I'd love to know where you're at- drop me a line at modernmalama@gmail.com and let's get you moving right along...

Stages of change:

1. Pre-contemplation: at this stage you don't recognize there's a problem or lack insight into your own behavior and patterns. Precontemplators resist change because they deny there's a problem and choose to remain ignorant despite constantly gravitating towards bad choices. In this stage- there's a deep sense of hopelessness and demoralization. Change is often too big to even think of, let alone talk about. (habits may include: smoking, obesity, alcoholism)

2. Contemplation: finally- some sort of acknowledgement that a problem exists as you begin to think of ways to solve it. At this stage you realize that you're stuck, struggle to understand, analyze, and intellectualize the problem. You may devise a plan to work on it over the next 6 months but the truth is- there's no real commitment. Essentially, you're aware of what's going on but not quite ready to make a real change. Stalling due to fear of failure is often the nature of contemplators.

3. Preparation: you're ready to take action within the next month. You've made verbal proclamations and taken small steps towards changing your habits. But still, you harbor some ambivalence which needs to be resolved. Perhaps you're holding on to a past belief that stops you from moving forward (ie: thinking you're not as pretty as the other girls, you've never been athletic, you've always been the chubby kid) These self limiting beliefs may be so engrained in your psyche that changing feels more like an uphill battle rather than something that will ultimately make you, a better you.

4. Action: this stage takes the most commitment and energy. You've started to modify your behavior and surroundings. Visible changes are evident- you look great, feel fantastic, exude confidence. There's a change in your level of awareness, self image, emotional reactions, and perceptions. All movement in this stage is significant...it's not just thinking or talking about it- you're actually doing something about it!

5. Maintenance: the most challenging aspect of change comes in the form of relapsing back into old habits. Here's what you have to understand: change doesn't end with the action. A re-commitment at this stage is vital in order move forward not back. This is an ongoing process and a point where you'll need to remind yourself why you sought change to begin with.

6. Termination: this is ultimately where you want to be. Your problematic behavior/pattern/habit is no longer a temptation, threat or consideration. With self confidence and a new perspective on your capabilities- I'm sure you'll tackle everything thinking, "problem? what problem?"

do tell...

2010-05-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

The questions just keep rolling in! Okay, technically they're only trickling in but in any case- thanks for sharing this intimate part of yourself. Sometimes we just have to ask ourselves the right questions in order to get the right answers...thanks for telling!

dear modern malama,
So normally I'm good about this kind of stuff but sometimes- when I let myself fall back into the dark abyss of insecurity thanks to the tequila fairy usually, I drive myself crazy--how do you get over unwarranted jealousy when no one gave you any reason at all? Signed, Under the influence

dearest under the influence,
Well, the obvious answer would be to steer clear of the Cuervo but come on- that's ludicrous! So let's get right to the heart of the matter. Unwarranted jealousy isn't the byproduct of a drunken girls night out or too many bottles of wine at Le Mer but instead something that lives and breathes below the surface. All it takes is one too many Patron shots and BAM- there it is... rearing its ugly, whiny, insecure little head. So, let me ask...which is the real you? The confident, intelligent, witty girl with the great fashion sense and fabulous life? Or is that girl? Full of fear, anxiety, and a low sense of self worth? For some of us- it's a combination of both. We can essentially have it all- great life, cushy job and still wonder why someone else has it better? But the real question is, 'what's it to you'? Someone else's better anything will never be what you already have. If we're constantly measuring ourselves against others- when do we have time to appreciate and love that girl? You know, the one with the great fashion sense and sparkly personality? But I guess you'd have to believe that in order for it to be true, don't you think?

always, mm

have your cake and eat it....

2010-05-04T02:58:00.000-07:00

My last post was my first foray into professional advice giving. Albeit simple and straightforward- the general consensus is that you can always count on me to state the obvious. Sometimes, being too close to a situation, whether it's finding balance or maintaining your identity, it's best to take a step back and get reacquainted...with yourself. "Wanting it all" had the challenges of family, work, and well... wanting it all. And while I'd love to have the right answers- technically, my forte is more so in asking the right questions. Through the years and after many futile attempts at reading self help books and watching The Secret dvd ad nauseam- I finally gave in to the fact that no one knows me better than I know myself. But let's face it- who wants to take a cold hard look in the mirror without some Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer and a little Maybelline mascara? Taking off the makeup is one thing but loving who you see is another.

I often wonder about the people in my life who want it all. (present company included) I think about how much marriage and parenthood changes who we are and what we want. How weekends are no longer about partying, unless of course you consider Chuck E Cheese a hot spot; and how investing in the future isn't about purchasing yet another Gucci handbag, but saving up for a college education. And while sacrifices in sleep, luxury goods, and downtime are essential - I can't help but wonder...how do we maintain our identity if we don't know who we are anymore? Hmmm...do tell?

someone told...

2010-04-29T03:48:00.000-07:00

For over a year now- I've been fortunate enough to share a part of my life with you thanks to this blog. Outlets are overwhelmingly therapeutic whether they're creative ones, a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear because let's face it- in one way or another- we all need to be heard. As many (well, okay 17) of you know- I always end my little anecdotes with a "do tell" and much to my surprise someone did tell and not only that- they need advice. And you know me- glad to be of assistance! And you...do you have any burning questions on improving your lifestyle, making healthy changes, or feeling stuck these days? Do tell...at modernmalama@gmail.com

dear modern malama,

I've decided to leave my job (seriously, I resigned on Monday) and wonder what my next move is? With 2 young kids, I struggle with wanting to be there for them, but also knowing I need the outlet of a job to keep me sane. How do working mothers do it? How do you balance the responsibilities of being a mother, wife, while also keeping your identity as your own person? Signed, Wanting it all

dearest wanting it all,

Ahhhh, that tricky thing we call balance. As women (the natural multi-taskers) we're accustomed to being many things to many different people. Where it gets oh so sticky is when we want to excel at the office, bake homemade chocolate chip cookies with our kids, and muster the energy to show affection to our husbands. But in the midst of taking care of everyone else's boo-boo's, deadlines, and libido's- it's no wonder you wonder about what's next. Truthfully, when was the last time you put yourself first? Maintaining your own identity is a very personal journey that only you know the answers to. Aside from family and a fat bonus at work - what makes YOU happy? Working out, cooking in the nude (hey, people are strange!), fly fishing? Whatever it is...write it down. Notice the energy shift in your body when you focus on things YOU like to do and by God woman- DO THEM!! And do it knowing that imbalance comes when we, the natural multi-taskers, don't factor our needs into the equation. And yes- this may mean the occasional Betty Crocker cake mix, less time watching American Idol, and more time investing energy into the things that invigorate you-both personally and professionally. And don't be surprised at how fabulous you feel when you finally put yourself first...at last!!

all my love, MM

let's get it on...

2010-04-27T04:22:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I resigned from yet another fruitless job. A notorious cubicle jumper- my 4 page checkered resume is a testament to that. I suppose it has a lot to do with a phobia of long term commitments and feeling stuck doing something I loathe rather than something I love. And yes, I agree- loathe is a strong word for someone in the helping profession but let's face it...I'm no aspiring Florence Nightingale here. But in the midst of all this job jumping- I have learned a thing or two about the importance of pursuing your dreams. One of the best pieces of advice I got was during an exit interview with a former boss. As I rambled on about what an honor it was to work for the company and profusely apologized for leaving, he simply said- "leslie- you've got to do what turns you on." Turns me on? I had no clue.

Turns out, he was absolutely right. Going from one position to another, in search of the next title, or higher salary wasn't exactly a formula for success. So instead of wasting time and energy on the insignificant things like another unfulfilling career move or commiserating with office intel on the latest gossip...I started doing things that turned me on. I read more, I write much much more, and I'm very merry (or at least I try)- every single chance I get. Because when you're in hot pursuit of the things that fill you up and give you life- it's bound to be labor, that's love. And you...what turns you on? Do tell...

mothers intuition...

2010-04-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

After 15 years together it's rare that my husband and I agree on much except for Top Chef, my occasional interest in Sports Nation, and a shared passion for good parenting. I'll never forget the day he got a Jerry Maguire look in his eyes as he watched our daughter throw a ball across the room. What was purely good hand/eye coordination for a 3 year old somehow took us much further than we ever imagined. The day things changed for me came a few years later at a Junior Olympics volleyball tournament in Chicago. Our coach- a rough around the edges, no nonsense Italian drilled work ethic and excellence to a bunch of 10 year olds without a lick of concern for feelings, emotions, and/or hormones. And though I often shudder thinking about his abrasive tone and look of disgust after a loss- I do give him credit for one thing. In the middle of berating players and parents after a lousy performance in the Windy City, he turned to me and said, "Here's the thing about Carsen- she's a typical blue chip player." Caught off guard- I immediately thought, 'oh my gosh- is that a bad thing'? Not only am I not athletic with zero knowledge of sports terminology, but his stoic facial expression didn't give any indication that perhaps this was a compliment. As we bolted out of the gym, I nervously called my husband and asked, "what the hell are blue chips?" After 15 minutes of reassurance and examples of other blue chip players (Jordan, Bryant, Taurasi)- the only thought that occurred to me was- 'Okay- so then she can play college volleyball, right?' My husband- the natural realist and bonafide athlete in the family went into a dissertation I didn't even bother paying attention to. And as for me, the proverbial idealist and lifelong dreamer in the family- I knew that in this moment...I'd never question that thought again.

Seven years later and in just a few short weeks, our daughter heads off to NC State as a Division 1 student athlete. My days of daydreaming, hours of being held hostage in sweaty gyms, and years of wondering whether we were good enough parents have led us to this moment, and without question- I knew we'd be here someday. And you...what are you absolutely sure of? Do tell...

sharing is caring...

2010-04-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

As of this moment- I'm 11 weeks into my B1 training course with 8 weeks separating me from being a Certified Health Coach. To date- I admit...I've become much more grounded, self aware, and best of all...I've learned to appreciate the intricacies of life, particularly my own. Between modern malama, my work as a health coach, and the infinite possibilities that lie ahead- I am hopeful that somehow, in a large or small way- I can make the world we live in a better place. Below you'll find a very uplifting and insightful blog by one of my fellow Health Coaching classmates, Maureen Miller. Enjoy...I know I do.

Be inspirational, people! Do great things!!

http://livinglifemakingchoices.wordpress.com/

always, les

do you know- where you're going to...

2010-04-19T03:02:00.000-07:00

Listening to my friends' adventures of backpacking through Europe with little money, no hotel reservations, and a guidebook to lead their way- I found myself thinking about the journeys we take in life. I imagine that my version of a European excursion would involve a backpack (merely for effect), an English speaking tour guide, and a five star hotel complete with a tempurpedic mattress and Egyptian cotton sheets. And though my experience would differ greatly from my very brave friends' whose jaunts included a night at a countryside hostel in Amsterdam and Ethiopian food in London; it occurred to me that in matters of travel- there's no wrong way to do it, so long as it's your own.

It's natural for me to choose a sense of adventure over good old common sense. A move to Hawaii, marrying my husband, and a mid life career change are proof of that. Luckily I rarely ever wonder about the "what if's?" in life. My journeys have taken me far from the streets of Jersey City to an exotic locale surrounded by an eclectic culture and interesting people. And what I've finally come to realize is whether it's life or travel- there is no wrong way, so long as the path you follow is your own. And you- do you know where you're going to, do you know? Do tell...

sustenance...

2010-04-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

Stepping onto the scale this morning, I braced myself for the outcome of two gluttonous months filled with traveling, assorted alcoholic beverages, and pasta's glorious return back into my diet since Lent ended. Looking at my daily calendar, I noticed that I may have occasionally (okay, okay- more like, regularly) slacked on working out, but how in the world did those extra pounds find me so quickly? Determined not to undo months of hard work and effort, I headed straight for my nemesis- the elliptical machine for an intense cardio workout. As I flipped through the New Yorker (some geriatric swiped the US Weekly), sweat dripping, and goal heart rate achieved- I felt invigorated. Finally overcoming weeks of dread and avoidance, I dealt with the fact that scales and skinny jeans rarely ever lie.

Thanks to genetics and my own mother's disdain for physical activity, I remained blissfully sedentary for most of my life. That of course changed when I realized that youth was no longer on my side. (traitor!) Sadly, all the extra weight packed on over the years (both emotionally and physically) wasn't budging, and it was time to do something about it. And while I still indulge in heaping bowls of my husband's home made penne a la vodka and a glass or two of Merlot; nothing feeds your body more than getting physical and unloading all the baggage. And you- how much weight do you carry? Do tell...

it is written...(maktub)

2010-04-08T04:50:00.000-07:00

I recently read a wonderful book by Stephen King called, On Writing. In it he asks 2 questions....do you read a lot? (me: NO) Do you write a lot? (me: SOMETIMES) Aside from winning a poetry contest about the Statue of Liberty in 1986 and submitting two random essay's in 2009; in which I won both grand prizes (stand up paddle lessons and attendance to the Hawaii Writer's Conference)- I've never taken any formal writing courses or imagined where my writing could take me. Sure, I've got my blog and a few published pieces under my belt thanks to Modern Luxury- but so what? No God loving, responsible Filipina gives up a healthcare career to be a writer. "Leslie, writing is a hobby- not a profession", says my disapproving conscience. And just like that- I steer clear of any natural inclination.

If you ask me what my life's ambition is, I'd tell you that I want to get paid for being myself. And with that comes flailing hand gestures, over exaggerated facial expressions, and a knack for telling stories in person and on paper. I enjoy studying people's behaviors and understanding what makes them tick, which according to Mr. King, makes me a good writer. (or at least, a competent one) So why haven't I won any awards in nursing? And why is a substantial amount of money needed for me to show up to work everyday? Well...ignoring your instincts will do that. You know, steer you clear from natural talent and inclinations, and all. And you...what are you ignoring? Do tell...

(photo cred: Carlo Guzman @ www.ag2photography.com)

friends by dissociation

2010-03-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

When I first logged on to the wonderful world of social networking via facebook, twitter, and an incomplete linkedin account- I felt as if my hip factor multiplied exponentially. Everyday was a new friend request, an added follower, and an opportunity to catch up with people I haven't spoken to in decades. DECADES! In a matter of months- I'd gone from having 5 friends to an astronomical 472. Without thinking twice- I racked up a slew of acquaintances, friends of friends, and became rather chummy with a handful of high school students. (I can't help it if my daughter's friends find me fascinating!) Admittedly, I enjoy updating "what's on my mind?", melt when I see family photos, and have had fascinating IM chats with people all over the world. For a girl who thought her friend making days were over- this virtual opportunity at "getting to know you" without the hint of an awkward conversation or a forced air kiss is absolutely delightful.

But let's face it- there is a downside to letting 400 people you barely know into your life. I've actually run into FB "friends" at weddings and street corners and without so much as a glance or even a faux 'hello'- we continue to remain as anonymous in person as we do online. So, the question is...how many friends do I have? Well, I'm glad to report that it's more than 5 but much, much less than 500. It's been rather lovely getting reacquainted with old acquaintances whom I'm certain we'd exchange more than a fake kiss and a forced smile. As for the rest...I suppose that's who the delete button and privacy settings were made for. And you- who's got your back? Do tell...

i got a feelin'....

2010-03-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from a very short but much needed 4 day trip back east. As the plane landed, my husband lifted the shade to reveal a dark, rainy, miserable day- from which I beamed a smile that only the sight of the Parkway, my best friends, and my entire family could induce. Home at last! As we stepped off the plane, my husband and I tried to keep pace with thousands of over zealous travelers who darted and weaved in and out of airport rest rooms, restaurants, and on and off those godforsaken travelators. And though I was tempted to get right back into the Jersey swing of things- I thought to myself, "What's the rush?" Surely, I was in no hurry for this vacation to end or to text my tearful good-byes, and certainly, I was in no rush to rush back to Hawaii. So, with a deep breath- I vowed to soak it all in. (both the rain AND the memories)

As predicted- the trip was a whirlwind. Many vodka crans downed, plenty of babies kissed, and all too many moments wishing it would never end. Like dinner at Komegashi with my BFF's, a cousin brunch filled with laughter and longanisa, a beautiful, heartfelt wedding in the middle of a storm, cocktails with my siblings, and a quick trip into Chinatown for some Wonton Garden. Most people are perplexed, even downright annoyed that I'd even consider trading in the sunny, blue skies of Hawaii in exchange for life in the armpit of America (that's right- Jersey, baby!) but truthfully, at least for me- it's not always about location, location, location. And you- where does your heart pull you? Do tell...

truth is stranger than fiction (or is it?)

2010-03-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

As I got into the elevator with our dog, Phifey a curious Asian man asked in broken English, "How many time you take out dog?" Before the door could open I cheerfully blurted, "Ususally 3 or 4 times a day". Immediately, Phifey shot me a look of disbelief as I began to blush at an apparently innocent yet little (white) lie. "WOW!", he said stunned as I tried to change the subject by asking if he had any pets. Shaking his head with a vigorous "no", he appeared appalled as he calculated the number of times I ride the elevator on a daily basis. And just as I was about to explain that, "pets are really no trouble at all and that in theory- I'd like to take my dog out 4 times a day but realistically...well, you know, it was more like twice and sometimes, most times it's 3"...the elevator doors shut. There I was- mouth ajar, Asian man perplexed, and Phifey...let's just say she got all 4 walks, a romp on the beach, and extra kalbi bones with dinner.

So why do we do it? The exaggerating and stretching of the truth, that is. Lucky for us and I mean ALL of us- turns out that little white lies are more common than you think. Whether we're saving face or sparing feelings- the truth is, the truth hurts. And so what if I fudge the number of days I actually go to the gym or fib about how fabulous my overweight co-worker looked in a tank top? Researchers say that embellishers use their "fiction" as a way of some day becoming self fulfilled and that positive biases can be beneficial. Hell! If that's the case then, next year- you can find me on the New York Times best sellers list, hosting a show on Oprah's OWN network, and out walking my dog 5 times a day! And you- what white lies do you tell? Do tell...

my due diligence while clearing my conscience:
We're All Lying Liars: Why People Tell Lies, and Why White Lies Can Be OK - US News and World Report

my own worst cynic...

2010-03-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

On a never ending quest for answers about myself- I've consulted everyone from family members to fortune tellers and have been thisclose to figuring things out, but at the present moment...still no cigar. In an effort to save face and a few hundred bucks (psychics aint cheap)- I've now turned to some free, anonymous methods of advice seeking via the Honolulu Weekly's horoscope page, Martha Beck, and egads...Men's Health magazine. Between an astrologer, a life coach, and a witty men's magazine writer- it's safe to say that I'm hardly the glass half full kinda gal that I thought I was. My natural instincts towards snarky commentary, pessimism, and an overall distrust toward the general population was what I believed to be the epitome of a Jersey girl. (insert FIST PUMP!) And there's nothing wrong with that!

However, through the years I've noticed an increase in skepticism, eye rolling, and paranoia...all of which can make for a very lonely existence. I recently read an article about successful people and their unwillingness to be cynical. I thought perhaps I misread the piece and deemed it bullshit until I re-read it again and yup, it said "unwillingness" to be cynical. But, who doesn't have doubts? Who doesn't second guess? Who in their right mind totally believes in all the bullshit they say? Well, apparently- successful people do. And with that said, I'm off to work on an attitude adjustment and go find some optimism. And you...want to come? Do tell...

there's no place like home...(click, click, click)

2010-03-01T02:32:00.000-08:00

When I lived amidst the misery and cold of the east coast, I often fantasized about warm weather living. Convinced I had seasonal affect disorder- I'd blame my foul disposition on dirty, slushy snow and my less than attractive figure on a severe case of hibernation. Finally fed up with dreading winters and rationalizing that bulky sweaters and mittens were indeed, sexy- my family and I pulled the trigger and moved to Hawaii. For the past four years, I've yet to detest the months of November through April and haven't purchased anything heavier than a t-shirt since 2006. Any given day is a day at the beach and thanks to this stint in paradise- I unfortunately, may have lost any and all rights to bitch and moan about anything.

But truthfully, as we all know- not everything is what it seems. Sunshine and gorgeous blue skies don't necessarily equate to pleasant dispositions and syrupy sweet friendliness. In fact, I've met quite a few miserable curmudgeons who've made me question whether the weather has anything to do with happiness or is it simply just a state of mind? After taking a stab at this island locale- I've come to realize that certain things never get old like the sound of crashing waves and warm tropical tradewinds. However, for someone who's accustomed to changing seasons, the fast pace of the city, and speed walking just to use the restroom- I must admit, the constant constants of island living can get pretty stale. And while the lush landscape certainly helps to brighten the mood- there is no guarantee that happiness is just somewhere over the rainbow. And you...where's your happy place? Do tell...

deny...deny...deny!!

2010-02-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

Last night, I devoured an entire bowl of spaghetti with seafood drenched in garlic oil for my brother-in-laws birthday dinner and I must admit- I felt undeniably content yet obscenely bloated. It finally occurred to me that this was the kind of self denial I'd seen posted all over Facebook earlier in the day. I saw everything from giving up on chocolate to refuting negative self talk and decided, "How bad could it be?" As usual, I was fashionably late for the start of the Lenten season but clearly willing, or at least, thinking about making the sacrifice. So, I sat at my desk and devised a short list of things I simply can't do without. In no particular order since they all rank the same, my list looked like this: coffee, vodka, Bravo TV, and pasta. There was a time in my 20's when cutting carbs would've been the equivalent to nixing caffeine and alcohol in my mid 30's but that's just ridiculous! So, I officially bid adieu to the likes of penne and ziti...today, on day 39.

Evidently, I'm no angel. You know, being late for Lent and all. But, I did owe it to myself to delve a little deeper into the benefits of self denial. Obviously, a month without pasta would flaunt the effects of less belly bulging and visible cellulite- but I wondered...how and when would I begin to see the spiritual repercussions? This fast/sacrifice/temporary loss of sanity wasn't just about being pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale, right? Wasn't this about giving back and letting go of what we over indulge in? If that's the case- then along with heaping plates of linguini, I'm throwing in excuse making and procrastination and having them all take a nice, long hike. Well, at least one that lasts 39 days, that is. And you- what are you giving up? Do tell...

this post is dedicated to our kuya Romey! Happy forty...ooops, I meant thirty something!!! Aloha.

en garde...

2010-02-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

I don't mind the occasional garden variety rumor, some of which happens to be true but mostly, for entertainment purposes only. Like when Bennifer imploded and Manniston bit the dust- reports of their super star love affair gone awry hit newstands before they could even comment with a, "no comment." And as sad as it is to see poor Jen (Aniston not Lopez) single, yet again...I suppose that's just how the celebrity cookie crumbles. Recently, as the target of speculation and innuendo, I couldn't help but to empathize with the Brangelina's of the world. (without the money or fame, of course). Thanks to a little creative embellishment, I was unexpectedly fodder for versions of the truth and blatant lies that swirled dizzily throughout the coconut wireless which FYI- is the island equivalent to the mainland grapevine. To put things in perspective, my husband's philosophical response to rumors is, "At least we're relevant enough to talk about." And yes- while that is true, I can't help but feel a much more emphatic, "WTF?!" kind of response.

After a few deep breaths and a couple glasses of Cabernet, clarity began to set in about people who ignore the truth. While spinning webs about the rest of us, I'm sure even the most prudent of gossipers clearly have issues with honesty in their own lives. Sadly, anyone who takes a remote interest in my simple life or enthusiastically asks 3 or more questions at any given time- is automatically demoted to the "do not tell" list. Nowadays, I have little desire to expand on my rolodex of friends but I can always assure this, you can count on me to tell you like it is...and that's no lie. And you, do you keep it real? Do tell...

6 degrees

2010-02-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

Thanks to modern technology, I'm able to stay close to loved ones despite a massive ocean, a five hour time difference, and a 4 year sabbatical from the east coast. Social networking, Skype, and PDA's have replaced the need for any sort of personal, intimate interactions and has enabled us to dodge the proverbial uncomfortableness associated with defriending or dissing someone to their face. And even in a virtual world- true emotion is a possibility. I've had heart to hearts via the web, shared coming of age stories with my blog, and even managed to text words of wisdom in the middle of a teenage crisis. Staying connected no longer requires hours of coffee talk and golf outings in order to get better acquainted. And communicating isn't necessarily about being present but simply a matter of logging on.

According to Google Analytics, my blog numbers are up. Apparently, my cousins and unsuspecting strangers aren't the only ones who find me amusing. I've received random comments, emails, FB posts, and a VERY sweet text message from my husband complimenting my photo and yeah...the blog was good too, he said. It's amazing how far a message can travel, how deep a voice can be heard, and how lucky a girl like me is to know someone like you....even if it is only technologically speaking, that is. Well, anyhow- enough about me. And you...who are you? Seriously, do tell...

PS: no need for anything poetic or witty...and don't go editing your response either. It's just me.

it's elementary, my dear...

2010-01-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I've become a little more grounded over the years or people around me have just gotten a lot more crazy. What I do know however, is that instead of craving constant turmoil and a need to over complicate things- I've grown to appreciate a simple life. But, quite frankly, living on island will do that to you. Its forced us to stop and smell the plumeria and unlike Manhattan, Honolulu is definitely a city that sleeps at approximately 5:15pm. And though I live downtown surrounded by fire trucks, buses, and LGBT protests at the State Capitol, I don't mind the noise considering how frenetic my life used to be. There was a time when I thrived off of high levels of stress and enjoyed barking harsh (yet obvious) judgments on everything and everybody. I'd be the last person to get in touch with nature and truly dreaded the effort of becoming physically fit. My mind was filled with appointments, family squabbles, vendetta's, and making snap decisions. So really- who has time to stop and smell anything? Sadly, I spent the last 3 decades trapped in my own world instead of enjoying the one out there.

Don't worry- I haven't turned into a tree hugging vegan or become an ordained minister. I still enjoy critiquing bad fashion choices and mocking silly people and their silly games. And although the landscape has changed dramatically thanks to palm trees and perfect weather- what's actually changed the most is, me. I no longer welcome drama with open arms (though, I will give it an occasional hug) and in lieu of making things complicated, I simply roll with it. And you... what world do you live in? Do tell...

expect the expected...

2010-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

In our youth, we can't help but to dream big. For as long as I can remember- I've always wanted to be on TV whether it was through acting, writing, or reporting the evening news. In my early teens I took a stab at stardom and enrolled in the Barbizon School of Modeling, had professional headshots taken, and even auditioned for plays despite being tone deaf and not much of an actress. To this day, I'm not sure that I'd ever be deemed talented but I do know one thing... I've got balls. I'm not easily deterred by what I can't accomplish but like most, my downfall involves a huge case of doubt and a serious lack of motivation. Once prancing on the catwalk got too difficult or singing, "Hopelessly devoted to you" became embarrassing- my hopes for fame were quickly dashed and tucked away with other unfavorable memories like my fuchsia leg warmers and lime green stretchy pants. My penchant for starting things I could never finish would ultimately lead to the safety of a 9-5 job and a modest lifestyle. (yay- just what I wanted!!)

But deep inside, I must admit- I still dream of my big break. And thanks to years of avoiding my passion and intentionally veering off course- I realized that if I really want something (ie: a Bentley, a hosting gig on E!, and a feature on Cribs) I need to get steppin'. My days of dreaming are numbered and since gravity doesn't discriminate...it's time to make some moves and go for what's mine. And so what if everything doesn't go according to plan? (who needs a Bentley, anyway) At least I know I did all that I could - what else did I expect? And you...what are your great expectations? Do tell...

happy monday! (insert sarcasm)

2010-01-25T11:09:00.000-08:00

Inspiration is everywhere. Most of the time, I stumble upon it when I'm not paying attention. My recent blog entries have all been a result of random conversations, FB status updates, and stalker-esque observations. When you do what you love- the world seems to be a much more fascinating place. Below is a list of questions I pulled from another blogsite: http://www.marcandangel.com/. All I'm saying is...just think about it.

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
2. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?
3. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
4. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
5. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
6. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
7. Do you feel like you've lived this day a hundred times before?
8. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
9. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
10. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
11. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

HAPPY MONDAY (insert sincerity)

pasalubong...(souvenirs)

2010-01-21T15:37:00.000-08:00

Despite all efforts to act and think positively- I must admit that there are times when nothing helps pull you out of a funk like a little bitching and moaning (though, margarita's work too). I should know, for the better part of my existence- that's exactly what I did. Being disgruntled is a pre-requisite especially if you're from Jersey and need to drive on the Parkway or work in Manhattan, Newark, and most area hospitals. Your chances of survival increase dramatically if you learn to give a little lip and aren't afraid of getting into altercations. But since moving to Hawaii- none of these scare tactics seem appropos...afterall- this is paradise, right? So, alternate measures like cat napping and frolicking in the sun have replaced my once tightly wound, neurotic, east coast habits. And I won't lie- it is a fabulous existence but like you, I have my moments. The biggest difference however, is that I'm not pushed and shoved out of path trains, hustled and bustled on 6th Avenue, or need to take a defensive stance when walking my dog. Peace, quiet, and talking story best describes island living.

Soon enough, I plan on making a reappearance back on the mainland where my natural instincts and tendencies make me feel right at home. And though, it would be lovely to bottle up some downtime and a laissez faire state of mind when the pangs of anxiety and road rage begin to resurface- we all know that REAL happiness doesn't come in a can or a jar. (i said real happiness!) So, what will I bring home? Hmm- I'm actually not really sure. But, what I can say is that living outside my comfort zone and dropping old habits for new ones will mean more than a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a dashboard hula girl in a grass skirt. What are you bringing back? Do tell...

thanks but, no thanks...

2010-01-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

I can honestly say that I’ve made some serious headway when it comes to owning “my time”. I used to suffer from a severe case of over extension with delusions about being in three places at once and hated the thought of disappointing anyone. I enjoyed making others happy hence a career in healthcare and a short lived stint as a wedding coordinator. As time passed however, I found myself less and less enthused with bitchy, Vera Wang clad brides and belligerent elderly patients and their taunts to spit and smear when provoked. (let’s not even go there!) Soon enough, I couldn’t help but wonder whether all the attention to detail and knack for people pleasing was actually just a subconscious attempt to elude my own happiness? For the time I spent fretting and obsessing over minute issues and insignificant people - it’s no wonder that the one person I never paid any mind to was…myself.

Clearly, I’m no expert at time management. But over the years I do feel less inclined to RSVP to every event that I’m invited to, refuse to network for the sake of kissing ass, and consciously avoid exerting effort towards people who are essentially a waste of my time. When it comes to the pursuit of happiness and living a life of fulfillment- I’ve learned that no one else’s bliss matters more than my own. What makes you happy? Do tell…

Nest Egg

2010-01-13T23:34:00.000-08:00

Like everyone else cum a new year- my husband and I renewed our commitment to a healthier lifestyle by hitting the gym hardcore. It's rare that we partake in the same activities since he's not a fan of yoga and I'm not a fan of him telling me what to do. Between his "expertise" in bicep curls and proper squat formation- I save us both the trouble and head right for the yoga studio while he joins the rest of his testosterone cronies amongst the weights and big screen tv's. On a random Monday evening, I noticed a longer than usual line out of the parking lot and realized we weren't alone in our quest for fitness. Although, we couldn't help but wonder just how many weeks and/or months of enthusiasm and pinky swear promises really get you? Whether it's 13 days into January or the Lenten season for that matter, I often find myself quickly disqualified from keeping any sort of resolution or adhering to a religious fast. Restriction, limitation, and moderation are very dirty 10 letter words, if you ask me. And probably reason alone why I'll never have a six figure retirement fund or a summer home in the Hamptons.

Living in the moment seems to work for most of us. However, I can't help but notice that a little self restraint in times of overindulgence wouldn't have been so bad either. All the splurging and decadence through the years has surely come at a cost, whether it's via the waistline, an emotional bankruptcy, or the LV Neverfull...we all pay one way or another. So, without further adieu- I think it's time to start making smarter investments. And no...not by way of stocks or bonds but moreso in things like patience, promises, and obligations. What are you saving for? Do tell...

Monkey Business

2010-01-08T16:16:00.000-08:00

By sheer genetic predisposition and anatomical design- I've been shunned to a life of mood swings, bad hair days, and a constant need for high maintenance upkeep. Don't get me wrong- I love being a woman! I've learned how to use my irrational, yet sometimes psychotic rants to my advantage and easily get what I want when I want it. The pitfalls however to being a girl are of course, having to deal with other girls. Those crazy bitches are a handful and without the proper wherewithal in dealing with gossip, manipulation, and back stabbing- don't be surprised when you find yourself alone in the jungle with a bruised ego and a few missing patches of hair. Getting sucked into playground squabbles, office love triangles, or jumping on board with the latest smear campaign seems fascinating until the day YOU become public enemy #1. And at that moment- you realize that unless you want to keep getting burned...stop playing with fire.

But, those days of sandbox throw downs and cubicle warfare are long behind me now. I've learned through the years and thanks to my husband's teflon exterior that the simplest way to avoid a messy situation is to...stay the fu#@! out of it. So, instead of getting my hands dirty in the someone else's business- I tend to plead the 5th and save myself the aggravation when it comes to chic flicks and petty mud slinging. And even when temptation has a gravitational chokehold on me and my Manolo's- I'll resort to a few moves I've learned from the guys over the years...acting deaf and playing dumb works like a charm- trust me! How do you stay out of trouble? Do tell...

Part Deux

2010-01-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

If someone told me that an old friend from high school and I would be walking around in our bikini's on Sandy Beach in Waimanalo- I'd think they were crazy. (especially the Nalo part!) But in fact, that's exactly what happened last weekend. Just two Jersey girls indulging in the hot Hawaiian sun and catching up some 20 years after we said our good byes on the steps of St. Aloysius Church in 1991. With the advent of Facebook- I've been able to reconnect with quite a few blasts from the past, which has been lovely considering how kind time and maturity softens you through the years. I'd always adored my friend, Marie- but at 15, I probably had a weird way of showing it. Those teenage years spent in an all girls Catholic school drudge up bittersweet memories mostly filled with catfights and misunderstandings. But luckily- we were also blessed with the fabulous moments of our youth via Hudson Catholic Pep rally's, ASA dances, and Prep football games.

All this looking back got me thinking about do-overs and second chances. Imagine living in a world without them..where everything you do and say as an immature 16, 22, 30, or 43 year old pegs you as a marked wo/man for life. Without a shot at redemption or the ability to shake off nasty habits- why is it that the image of single people harboring a house full of cats come to mind? But, thankfully- we all get repeats, makeovers, and sequels in this lifetime- it's all a matter of what direction you want to go...forward or back. Which way did you go? Do tell...

I'm Just Sayin'...

2009-12-31T02:46:00.000-08:00

A quick search of the word resolution brings up the following definition, "a formal expression of an opinion or intention." As we lay 2009 to rest, it appears that FB status updates, deep discussions around the water cooler, and a lifetime struggle with breaking promises means that technically...we're all on the same boat. It's offically time to start anew and 2010 couldn't come any sooner! (Can I get an Amen?!) Now knowing exactly what a resolution entails- it explains how I've managed to elude weight loss, fitness goals, and attitude adjustments after all these years. By simply, "stating an intention" there it was...an easy escape, a get out of jail free card; to talk the talk but not necessarily walk the...well- you get my drift.

My closing thoughts for 2009 and sincere wish for all 3 of my loyal blog followers is to always remember to "do you". And when tempted to make another faulty resolution riddled with escape routes- consider making commitments to yourself instead. At the end the day...talk is cheap, baby! So here's to a Happy New You!!!

I dedicate my last post of '09 to a wonderful man whose touched my life in more ways than he'll ever know. To the Rafanan and Pena family- my heart is with you always. RIP, tito Jun.

Tricks Are For Kids

2009-12-29T03:19:00.000-08:00

Whenever I find myself a tad bitchier than usual or have a burning desire to turn an insignificant incident into a major catastrophe- I've learned that what I'm actually doing isn't necessarily the result of being crazy, per se. Apparently, all the pomp and circumstance surrounding the need to make much ado about nothing and dramatize miniscule dilemma's turns out to be...just a big girls' cry for attention. Sensitivity and tears tend to fall by the wayside when you're a product of the Northeast, therefore my way of handling adversity comes in heaping doses of swear words, threats of physical violence, and an unmatched bravado thanks to the streets of Jersey City. But by now, at 36- road rage and emotional outbursts have become mentally draining and truthfully, attention seeking appears to be just as juvenile as shoplifting at the Hudson Mall.

If the only way you know how to convey your message is by kicking and screaming- what's the alternative? For most of us- being recognized and acknowledged is more than enough. Once we've got our pat on the back or cushy corner office- we're good to go. However, on the flip side- there lurks an emotionally damaged and neglected soul whose cries for help, pleas for notoriety, and desperate attempts to be seen and heard never seem to be quenched no matter how much we mind their business, do what they ask, or listen to the same old stories, again! After countless encounters with "those people" and my own botched attempts at attention seeking - I've concluded that the games we played in our youth no longer have a real place in our future. And you- what games do you play? Do tell...

Mind Over Matter Of Fact

2009-12-26T16:53:00.000-08:00

There are certain things I've been threatening to do for years. Write a book on my soccer mom experience, throw out every piece of clothing dating back to 2005, and to not let distraction get in the way of the success that's been eluding me for years. But it seems that every time I go to write and re-write that first chapter, donate my outdated Adriano jeans, or move forward in my plot towards world domination- I find myself immobilized and making excuses for putting off the inevitable. Up until recently- my coping mechanisms included bouts of daydreaming, complaining, blaming, and setting myself up for failure- a complete self sabotager, if you will. I'd justify why I couldn't get things done with pithy excuses like, I can't write if the tv is too loud. I won't workout if I don't have the right playlist. And I HATE constructive criticism therefore- why make the effort?

At this pace-I would go nowhere. But how do you turn off the voice inside your head that only seems to know the same old, same old? The truth is, you can't tell it to shut the f#@! up if all you're going to do is sit there and listen. Saying I was going to achieve this feat and accomplish that goal meant virtually nothing unless I was prepared to do something about it. So, in lieu of rummaging through the sales rack at Barney's or wallowing in a severe case of island fever, I think I'll spend this holiday weekend bingeing and purging instead...and no, not of the 5 pounds of ham and green bean casserole I've inhaled over the past few days. But more of a mental sort of cleansing...you know, the kind that turns empty threats into reality. And you...what do you hear? Do tell...

Do The Right Thing

2009-12-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

Growing up in a traditional Filipino family on the east coast, I've become accustomed to the nuances that make our culture so fascinating. Debutante balls, Santa Cruzan's, and Fil-Am association parties defined old school social networking long before the advent of Facebook or My Space ever existed. I still crave home cooked delicacies like my Nana's lumpia, Tita Dulce's Kare Kare, or my dad's signature steaks. Since being inducted into the Dimaya clan, I've become a full fledged aunt, sister in law and have inherited 150 more family members. Gatherings for no particular reason is still, to this day, my fondest memory of all. At these shindigs, however, it left you open for the inevitable third degree. With food in the belly and having exhausted all stories about the Philippines, somehow my aunts and uncles would then turn their attention to, "interrogation time". "How's your grades?" "Who's your boyfriend?" "Where are you going to college?" By the time I graduated high school, I was a pro at answering multiple questions. Sometimes, I'd just make things up especially when they seemed to get exasperated if I didn't give them an answer they liked. And though, at times it was terrorizing to be expected to know what the rest of my life was going to look like, I know it was done out of love...well, sometimes at least.
Now well into my 30's I feel as though those times of terror have come in quite handy. While the intensity has lessened, I'm still plagued by who, what, and where? "How's Hawaii?" "Where do you work?" I admire their skills in starting off slow but KNOW this eventually leads to the tougher, more personal subjects about marriage, money, and babies. What I've learned is that despite my expertise at mastering the 20 questions, my answers aren't always what people want to hear. But at this stage in my life, I'm not embellishing on anything. I've learned certain truths about myself, what motivates me, and why I do things. Only I know where I've been, what I've done, and how I feel and though it may not be good enough for some- I know what's right for me. When my single friends tell me they're without a boyfriend, my married friends tell me they want to have 5 children, or my daughter tells me she wants to go to art school after college...I'm nothing but thrilled. Only they can know what's in their heart, where they've been, and how they feel. Who am I to question, "Why?" And you- what do you know? Do tell...

Oh No You Di'nt!

2009-12-14T02:32:00.000-08:00

There have been times despite all efforts to remain focused and positive that I find myself tempted by the lure of gossip, living in the past, and reveling in pity. As you know, I have a longer track record with negative emotions and whenever I'm feeling particularly nostalgic or in an unbalanced state of mind- I have a tendency to take a few steps back. Some days, I do admit, I don't readily pass up hearing the latest titillating tidbits about friends of friends and have been known to graciously accept RSVP's down memory lane. I've been embroiled in power struggles both personally and professionally and have on numerous occasions discussed my contempt for certain people over one too many cocktails. During a recent encounter with an old acquaintance I found myself traveling back in time. While reminiscing about the past seemed like an intriguing proposition, I must say that the conversation did get stale after the first 15 minutes. Who dated who, who slept with who, and who hated who in 1990 is as irrelevant today as yesterday's news.

Isn't it ironic that the people and situations teeming with the most venom and negativity actually have a tendency to bring out the very best in you? I'd typically never buy into this concept myself, but after endless run in's with drama queens, miserable hags, and insecure schleps- I can't help but to be thankful that at least, I'm not in their shoes. When I hear them gawk about their petty woes or whine on their tempestuous soap box, all I feel is genuine pity at their obvious attempts for attention. And if I ever find myself trapped alone in a bathroom situation, I'll even goes as far as to offer an insincere smile complete with head nod, all the while thinking in my head, "you're one crazy bitch!" And just like that, I'm loving the shoes I'm in, grateful for the friends I have, and kissing the ground I walk on. And you- what brings out your very best? Do tell...

Interview with Dr. Feelgood

2009-12-11T00:30:00.000-08:00

So few people in this world have the ability to do what they say and say what they mean. Meet one of my very dear friends and comrades-in-arms, Dr. Eso Tiu. Otherwise endearingly known to me and many others as the incomparable, Esofine. (Pure genius! I mean, who comes up with a name like that?!)

Though he's a man who wears many hats from dentist to family man, writer, musician, and entrepreneur- what I've always admired most, is his enthusiasm to help others and his sincere encouragement to be the best you can. When I told him I was thinking about writing a book, the first question he asked was- "Where can I get it?" When I started my blog, he was one of the first to sign up, and whenever I need someone to say "Go for it"- I know he's got my back.

His generosity, good nature, and passion for following his heart allows him to have the patience and faith to one day live out his ultimate dreams. Between his newly produced single, "Invincible" by John V available on Itunes, authoring the "Tooth Survival Guide" available on Amazon.com, and new ventures on the horizon...all I have to say is... "E- Go for yours!"

It's my honor to share a recent interview I did with Eso and his moments of reflection...

(mm): Give us a little history about getting into dentistry:

et: In NYU, I was planning to go to med school. However, I got a job as a dental assistant in midtown Manhattan during my junior year. I was inspired by my experience and never looked back. I found every opportunity to volunteer or work as a dental assistant, and finally found my way. I graduated dental school in 1994 and have been in my current office since 2001. My favorite part of the job is trying to make others feel good about themselves through their appearance.

(mm): In an ideal world- what would you be doing?

et: I would love to have my own music/film studio. At NYU I had to choose between two paths: music and dentistry. I wanted to do both but was advised against it. To be practical, I chose the dental field.

(mm): What 3 things give you energy?

et: 1. Exercise- I believe in starting the day either at the gym or the track. Some of my best ideas were thought of during a workout session.

    2. Developing a new idea or plan: this can be writing a book, song, having a new marketing idea, or starting a new business. Achieving the goal is a motivating, driving force.

    3. Reading about other successful people/companies, learning from them, and trying to apply those lessons in my life. This is just pure inspiration, and can be extremely energizing.

(mm): How are you finding ways to incorporate passion in your life?

et: I try to engage in these activities regularly. I'm a member of a gym, recently published a book, constantly developing marketing strategies for my office, and I try to write music on the side. The tough part is balancing this with family life. You just have to do a little at a time.

(mm): What are your motivating factors?

et: There are 2 words I live my life by, "Help others". The book I wrote was my way of trying to teach people how to avoid cavities and gum disease. Music wise, I've seen and heard a lot of great Fil-Am talent. My company, Esofine Productions is an attempt to get some talent discovered.

(mm): Where can we find you in 5 years?

et: Retired from dentistry and full time in a music/film studio

(mm): What steps are you taking to get there?

et: Over the last several years, I've been building my home studio and learning more about the ins and outs of the music industry. Through my dental practice, I've met a lot of music industry people, producers, and studio engineers. Sometimes when I'm working on a project I'll ask for their advice.

(mm): Thoughts on being a business owner...

et: Starting your own business is VERY SCARY. You're literally putting yourself out there hoping people will somehow find you. Plan and map out EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of a business. Ask yourself, "does it make sense? How can i get financing? What makes me different?  Can I sell it later...which should be the ultimate goal of every business- a lot of people don't realize this. Finally, what is my backup plan should things not work out?

(mm): Thoughts on venturing into the unknown...

et: Trying something new is like starting a new business. However, it's implying that you're not happy with what you're doing now. So, you have to ask yourself those same questions as above. Or consider the "springboard concept"- use a current success to launch another success. Once you reach a goal, don't sit still- "springboard" yourself to the next level. Then keep springboarding throughout life...

(mm): How do you want to be remembered?

et: I want to be remembered as someone who actively tried to make a difference in people's lives. I wrote my book because I've seen young teens and children needing EXPENSIVE dental work. I want people to avoid this in the future. As I look to exit dentistry, this is my way of telling the world, "this is how I can help you." Again, "helping others"- think of those 2 words every time you go to work, you just might do things differently.

To find Eso- you won't have to look far...

single: Invincible by John V available on Itunes
website: http://www.toothsurvival.com/
book: Tooth Survival Guide: http://www.amazon.com/Tooth-Survival-Guide-Protecting-Preserving/dp/144049309X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Don't Even Go There....

2009-12-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

After a recent tete a tete with someone very dear to me- I realized just how much we've both grown through the years. Sensitivity was never a factor in our relationship and in fact, harsh name calling, brutal honesty, and good times at the expense of someone else's feelings were things never factored into the equation- that's just the way things worked. Perhaps you're familiar with this sort of odd, twisted relationship....usually it's reserved exclusively for family members or friends you simply can't get rid of- even after 20 years of trying. On this particular occasion and amidst our typical playful banter, apparently I had crossed the line. In a completely inadvertent move on my part, I made an insulting remark about something very important and suddenly the mood shifted, the clouds rolled in, and fisticuffs came out. I touched on a raw nerve, ventured into unchartered territory, and poked fun at something that was strictly off limits. (examples: weight, religious preference, opinions about their spouse). But luckily, thanks to a decades long relationship and years of unconditional love and honesty, my friend was able to immediately be upfront and though trying to jovially pass it off "as no big deal but that was kinda mean"...I eventually wound up getting the message.

In the past, this sort of misunderstanding would've been grounds for a complete blow up. I'd stomp about my apartment wondering how on earth this person could think "I" was insensitive! And as I was carrying on and cursing the absurdity of the situation, I'd refuse to take any responsibility for being hurtful. Though deep inside I'd feel pangs of guilt and regret, I'd still never admit to any wrong doing. But, as you know...things tend to change over time- especially when you truly care about someone. Unlike my younger days, I confronted the situation head on and averted a full screaming match that involved 3rd parties and nasty FB status updates. I apologized for what I said and much to my own surprise...I sincerely meant it. It occurred to me that this wasn't about me and unfortunately...most things don't center solely around me either. It wasn't about my hurt or anger...here was someone trying to be heard and the least I could do was listen. I realized that this shift in the relationship was now moving us beyond the name calling and petty arguments of our youth and right into the maturity of an honest and caring future. And you...are you listening? Do tell...

Who gives a SH#@!?

2009-12-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

When heading for a workout on the elliptical machine, two basics are a must- my ipod and a good read. Having as much distraction as possible to get through 40 minutes of repetitive upper and lower body movement is essential to even consider stepping foot near the gym. And speaking of that good read- I'm not talking about Time Magazine or the latest Eckhart Tolle novel but instead something much more thought provoking and worldly like an US Weekly or People. The combination of eye candy plus deafening music certainly make giving up after the first 15 minutes a lot less probable.

On a recent workout session I spotted the latest Star magazine and discretely snuck it back to my apartment. Giddy with excitement- I began to envision how I'd spend the next 60-90 minutes. I imagined brewing a pot of coffee, hanging a "Do not enter or ELSE" sign from my bedroom door, and delving into the latest gossip, photos, and love trysts of the rich and famous. Some people, like my husband- find comfort in watching non stop ESPN or those God awful poker tournaments but me....just a pile of smutty magazine and I'm in heaven. So, armed with with a cup of java, warning sign posted, and a comfy seat- I dive right in. I flipped through articles on Robert Pattinson's new look, Tiger Woods' infidelity, and even take a stab at the crossword puzzle. An hour later and after re-reading stories I had skimmed over initially, i tossed the magazine on the bed and felt surprisingly...unsatisfied. Hearsay, half truths, and tangled webs are typically the cornerstone of any girls existence and perhaps prompted my preference for tabloid verses Tolkien but today, I found myself thinking, "who cares"?

Bewildered by my unenthusiam of the juiciest celebrity scoop- it occurred to me that I've got my own problems to worry about nevertheless to fret about the likes of Tori Spelling or Jessica Simpson. With my own dreams to fulfill and debacles to tackle- I have neither the time or energy to think about alleged affairs and botox injections. And though having wads of indispensable cash and a treasure trove of celebrity galpals would be just divine- I still wouldn't trade my puny set of circumstances like my Mini Cooper or watching endless hours of volleyball in a sweaty gym for stints in rehab, eating disorders, and a marriage based on convenience and a million dollar bank account. I'm happy knowing that my mistakes will only affect the few whom I care about and any missteps will be far from front page news. And you...what do you care about? Do tell...

Perfecto!

2009-12-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day...."Be excellent to each other."

When I initially read this quote- I interpreted it to mean that I should to be genuine, thoughtful, giving, and compassionate towards everyone I encountered...even the people I couldn't bear the sight of. The message was so simple yet so profound, I figured it was worth a shot. Day 1 and things were just rosy. Day 2 and within minutes of walking into the office- my patience is severely tested. By day 3- I revised the quote which now meant..."it's perfectly acceptable to be excellent only to the people you like."

The funny thing about interpreting impactful statements, quotes of the day, and inspirational bylines is that inevitably- it could mean something completely different than what the author intended. I soon realized that I took the quote too literally and set myself up for failure, for I knew that it wasn't in me to spew insincere pleasantries or feel the need to share my chocolate macadamia nut cookies with just anyone. Instead the twice revised quote about being excellent to others means...sharing my insight when asked, offering sincerity when needed, and practicing being myself on a daily basis. And you, do you practice what you preach?

Interview with a Master

2009-12-02T01:47:00.000-08:00

A few months back, an old childhood friend and I reconnected thanks to FB. Somehow I always knew he'd wind up doing amazing things with his life.

Meet Eddy Rolon- JW Wakeman/PS #6, G&T alum, master of scaling high rise apartments, and founder and owner of Openmat Fitness Training, a veritable haven for combat sports enthusiasts who can spar, share and compare techniques in a low ego yet competitive environment located in Lodi, NJ. Eddy's career began innocently enough in 1996, when he recalls being "forced to monitor UFC fights" as part of his job requirement as a service technician for the local cable company. Eventually with his intense training in Combat Sports and hosting openmat sessions- he was ready to begin competing on his own. Eddy would inevitably win the IFC Battleground Heavyweight Championship in Atlantic City in 2001 against a much bigger and stronger opponent that he beat by submission. Dubbed, "Smilin Eddy Rolon", he's been both ridiculed and admired as a relaxed and smiling competitor. Ultimately, thanks to a small government loan, working odd jobs to make ends meet, and a love for the combination of skill, athleticism and strategy involved in his craft, Eddy was able to open his own Combat Sports Academy in September 2001.

Here's a short interview with one of the most inspirational and passionate people I know. A few months ago, Eddy reminded me to just "do what I love". Here's payback for those incredible words of wisdom. Mahalo, old friend!

(mm)*What were your biggest obstacles/challenges in starting and now maintaining your business?

(er) "FAMILY, money, family, time, family and family juggling are the challenges. I do enjoy the extra time I have with my family compared to the 55 hour average work week I had with the cable company. I now enjoy a 35 – 45 hour work week. But is it really WORK when you love what you do? I slack on marketing since word of mouth has always done so well. I also let paperwork and the boring stuff pile up before I’m forced to address it. I think my ADD is the reason for my successes
and … what were we talking about?"

(mm) *What keeps you motivated?

(er) "This is fun and very important to some people. I’ve trained active military, law enforcement and people who have been forced to defend themselves out in the real world."

(mm) *Does hard work really pay off? Are you living your dream life?

(er) "A measure of my success is that my children have a much better home life than I did. That makes me happy and proud."

(mm) *Thoughts on starting your own business?

(er) "Trying and failing would have been better than never knowing if you could do it."

(mm) *Eddy Rolon will be remembered as ....

(er) "A great father to his children, husband to his wife and friend to his friends…… Wait a second did you hear something? Am I sick? Who’s my doctor? Will insurance cover it? What’s the deductible?

For more information on Eddy and Open Training Fitness- check out: www.teamendgame.com

The Grass is Always Green

2009-11-30T03:09:00.000-08:00

In an effort to shake a bit of the holiday blues and a mild case of homesickness, our faux Christmas tree went up this evening. This year marks our fourth Christmas in Hawaii and though it's nothing like being home, I can honestly say that we finally know what to expect. When you trade down jackets and miserable weather for shorts and tropical tradewinds- believe it or not, it does take some getting used to. Especially coming from a humongous family like ours where holiday traditions run decades deep. For over 30 years, its been completely normal for me to suffer through frigid winters, argue with the elderly over parking spots in the mall, and spend time with family and friends through company parties, girls nights, and Christmas dinners. Although since moving, much of the norm far from exists. When temps get down in the low 70's, I admittedly feel a bit chilly, I've given up on arguing with the geriatrics, and while I appreciate the lovely weather, our new friends, and laid back lifestyle- I still can't help but to wish for cashmere scarves, ice skating in Central Park, and bone chilling cold.

But, how could I know I missed those things if I never left them in the first place? How could I appreciate what I had if I never experience anything new? And how could I know what my heart really wants, if I never feel a piece of it missing? Truthfully, without taking chances and risking the possibility of being wrong- I'd probably never know. Instead of feeling regretful and disappointed about all the things that I missed- what I really feel is...absolutely positive that the bridges I crossed and the roads I traveled was exactly what I needed to do. And you- what chances are you taking? Do tell...

so, you wanna be startin' something...?

2009-11-27T17:22:00.000-08:00

One of the things i'm less inclined to do in my life is to not take chances. I credit my parents for their fearlessness and unwavering confidence. I don't recall a time when either of them expressed feeling afraid and even after being diagnosed with cancer- each, held their composure and never wavered as being the pillars of strength. Nor did they ever hesitate while walking through the open doors of opportunity. They made it cool to think, live, and belong outside the box.

But, for the past few years I've been playing it safe. I've jumped from one job to the next and pursued one dream after another but never really paid attention from within. Have you ever felt like there's more out there for you? Does fear hold you back? Are you where you want to be? Up until this point in my life, the answers to those questions were a very sad, depressing, and regretful NO. So, I started soul searching and paid attention to the things I loved to do. Writing meant blogging. Raising my daughter meant being a soccer mom. And helping people find their way means modern malama.

modern malama is my way of giving back. As a writer and health coach, I have a strong desire to help people become "unstuck" and shift their energy towards moving in the right direction. Sign up as an "mm follower" and you'll receive 2 complimentary coaching sessions.

Email me at: modernmalama@gmail.com and let's get started on your way to the real you.

MAHALO!

2009-11-24T18:06:00.000-08:00

The obvious theme around this time of the year is of course, gratitude. With the state of the economy and a tentative job market, its forced us all to re-evaluate what's truly important in our lives. Just watch any of the Housewives of Atlanta, OC, or New Jersey and they're all talking about "scaling back" or foreclosing on their mansions and these women don't even work real jobs!! So, for the average non millionaire like myself, that's exactly what I've been doing. I now make a serious effort to live off an allowance and cut back where I can. And instead of cursing my paltry paycheck and taunting my husband with names like "the budget nazi", I'm just thankful for a job in healthcare and that at least one of us is good in arithmetic.

In tenuous times like these, I've been forced to look at all the stuff I've amassed, relationships I've built, and assess what I do with my time and wonder...just how happy am I? Well, after being on monetary lockdown and no longer being able to spend frivolously, I realized that this concept isn't only applicable in matters of the Benjamins but also in how I live my life. After accumulating way too many acquaintances, housing knick knacks I never use, and wasting time on absolutely nothing, its become apparent that now is the time to start trimming the fat. So, after doing my own "number crunching" and with some serious contemplation- I realized that simplicity in every aspect of life is essential. My version of scaling back however, isn't about moving into a smaller mansion or exchanging a Maserati for a BMW, but instead it's loving and appreciating what I already have and to live a life of gratitude even when we start to live in abundance again. And you...what are you thankful for? Do tell...

High/Low

2009-11-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I experienced some of my happiest moments since moving to Hawaii. A shift in energy caused a chain reaction of positivity and suddenly, I found myself enmeshed in some uncharacteristic behavior like, working out, meditating, and entering contests that I would actually win. Beaming with hope and prosperity, I couldn't imagine life getting any better. In fact, I was so optimistic that I even forgot about being homesick and began to let things roll off my back. Without road rage, impatience, and a need to question why idiots exist...i soon began to wonder just what the hell happened to me? In the midst of this new dawning, I started setting realistic goals, checked things off my to-do list, enjoyed an on-again loving relationship with my husband, and finally- a glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel. Though deep in my heart, my inner pessimist wondered just how long these moments of bliss would actually last?

Then slowly out of nowhere, just as fast as the good fortune came....so did the bad. A string of disheartening events prompted a downward spiral and I immediately found myself retreating back to basics. The negativity, insecurity, and doubt came rolling back into the picture and there I was feeling just like my old self again. I exercised less, made excuses not to write, and wondered if my perfect marriage was merely a figment of my imagination. And while under normal circumstances I would've allowed myself to dig a much deeper hole, this time seemed to be different. By experiencing the hints of an upswing I realized that my darkest days are far behind me. And while its been interesting getting used to the abnormalness of being cheery and genuinely optimistic, I must say- I do look forward to movin' on up! And you, do you finally have a piece of the pie? Do tell...

Isn't That Special?!

2009-11-16T21:14:00.000-08:00

Through the years, I've learned to appreciate the unique qualities that make the people I love who they are. For example, my husband is fiercely competitive and confidently opinionated. My daughter- introspective and deeply passionate. My puppy- sweet, innocent, and genuine. And me, well- I guess I'm the black sheep of the family as jumping to conclusions and impulsive decision making seem to be some of my better known characteristics. I've never been a fan of "thinking things over" or answering questions with a maybe. If something feels right like, happy hour and buffalo wings - that's an automatic and ecstatic, YES!! But torturous and painful encounters like small talk with people I have nothing in common with or socializing with high school volleyball parents, tend to evoke a very spirited, HELL NO! I've come to a point in my life where I respect someones blatant avoidance of me verses them showing any hint of blatant fakeness. I don't do second chances and once lines have been crossed- it's safe to say that there's no turning back.

Most of the healthy social outlook outlined above comes after years of realizing that not everybody gets you and the few that try, are the one's worth holding on to. I feel extremely blessed for having at least 2 people and a dog accept and love me for who I am. And while I am fully aware that I've become a bit anti social and less enthusiastic about making new friends- I know it's because i've accepted being happy with what I have and who I am. God only knows when my circumstances will change...a book deal here, an Oprah appearance there, and possibly hosting my own tv show would be an incredible twist of fate. But regardless of if and when...i do know for sure that- I couldn't be happier. And you...what makes you so special? Do tell...

Insecurity Blanket

2009-11-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think that I always had the ability to easily walk away from tumultuous relationships, unhealthy situations, and bad breakups. But in reality- I probably lingered way longer than I should've. The thing about anything messy and complicated is of course, the element of drama. Who doesn't love the big blowups, confrontations, or having the last laugh? I admit, I've been known to relish in all of the above. I've had my fair share of fights over nothing, feelings of insecurities over ex-girlfriends, and a strong desire to be right even when I'm dead wrong. Its truly been exhausting starring, producing, and directing my version of, "As Leslie's world turns". When your habits include blowing things out of proportion, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and expecting the worst- you're bound to live in world full of questions. Answers certainly didn't come easy for me- I can't help but to question everything. If the moon and stars were perfectly aligned and my life was going just the way I wanted it to- somehow, I would feel like it's all too good to be true. When my now husband asked me to marry him in 1999- i think my first response was, "Are you sure?" And when I received any sort of compliments, I would skeptically say, "Are you serious?"

Looking back, I attribute much of my doubtfulness and need for the drama, drama, drama to a mean case of insecurity. I found it much easier to hide behind being defensive and angry than to actually accept that perhaps I wasn't the smartest, prettiest, and wittiest woman whose ever walked the planet. (although, let's face it- this may be up for debate!!) But, as the years pile on, so do life's lessons about loss, authenticity, and appreciating what you have. By stepping away from my man made soap opera and allowing some time to flourish, I was able to find out what really matters in life. And let me tell you...it's not about what she said, he said, she said about me, who's in my circle of trust, or how much money I make. I found that being caught up in things like office politics, gossip, and vendetta's are completely, unequivocally, and totally a waste of time and energy. And nowadays, my questions tend to center around whether I'm being the best that I can be, am I doing what's right for my family, and am I appreciating life the way I should? And you...what do you question? Do tell...

The Living Years...

2009-10-27T23:48:00.000-07:00

I woke up the other day and found a message waiting in my in box. I felt the email energy and knew just who it would be from. For a few days, I had been corresponding with someone and expected a tit back for my tat. And sure enough- there it was. I’d been secretly fretting over the response and hoped as mature adults, we could see each other’s point of view. I skimmed the email, heart racing, and the first thing that came to my mind at 6:30 in the morning was, “Oh please! You’re so clueless.” And just like that, I scampered around my bedroom, got ready for the gym, and nonchalantly mentioned the email to my husband. We both laughed, went back and forth about conspiracy theories, and inevitably concluded that some people really suck at communicating! After spending seven and a half more minutes of my life on this nonsense- I decided that I wouldn’t waste another second worrying, complaining, or obsessing about something I had no control over.

In all honesty, this same scenario would’ve had the “old me” reeling for days. I can picture it now…I imagine reading the email, jolting my husband out of his peaceful sleep, and evoking my inner sailor’s penchant for curse words and angry snarls. With hands flailing and visions of committing lewd acts on my cyber nemesis- I would’ve simply allowed myself to stew on frustration and conclude that not only do people suck at communicating, but that the chip on my shoulder seemed to be getting heavier by the minute. My long and tumultuous love affair with over reacting, sweating the small stuff, and feeling powerless to change was after all, a nasty habit that I just couldn’t shake. And while I’d love to tell you that one day I woke up, read a dozen “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books, and made 3 decades of carefully crafted insecurities magically disappear- we all know that things are never as easy as they seem.

But, with a little soul searching and honesty I began to welcome clarity and perspective into my life. Instead of letting my pride and ego ruin my sensibility, I began to do, say, and act from the heart. I let my guard down in order to experience a world outside my comfort zone, and I began to regain control over who, where, and what I am. In my dad's last letter to my siblings and I he wrote, “it’s not what life did to you but what you’ve done in your life.” For a man with so little time in this world, he sure knew how to live! And you...are you living the dream? Do tell...

Head Check

2009-10-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

When I look back on these past few years, I can’t help but to conclude that my best friend and worst enemy has brought out my brilliance and self-destruction, my confidence and insecurity, and decades worth of both, happiness and pain. No, no- it isn't my husband…I have other colorful descriptives for him which I’ll save for another day. But instead my little frenemy is called…down time. Since moving to Hawaii, I seem to have a lot of it and while most would kill for 5 minutes of peace and quiet, trust me…being alone with your thoughts isn’t always tranquil. Back in Jersey, surrounded by the noise of the city, the distraction of family, and a rolodex of friends willing to grab a late night cocktail on any given day, I found little to no time to amuse myself as the constant stimulation kept me wired, exhausted, and craving for an island locale complete with a pina colada and some SPF 50. Now that my wish has come true and not only do I live on an island with copious amounts of fruity, tropical drinks, and an endless supply of sun, but I’ve also managed to shed some of the fatigue and go, go, go of the east coast..

I call this, my decompression period. With time to think, reflect, and find ways to amuse myself- it hasn’t always been fun or pretty but truthfully, it has been enlightening. Before I figured out what to do with all this spare time, I used to use it as a vehicle for feeling sorry for myself, daydreaming about my big break, or finding reasons to be annoyed with life. Ironically, while living in Jersey- these were precisely the same complaints I just loved to stew on. And now, being in Hawaii I had even more time to do it. My reality check came when I found myself canoodling with people who were just as pessimistic and cynical as I was. It dawned on me that if living a life of leisure surrounded by a gorgeous backdrop and balmy weather with more free time than I could handle wasn’t the problem then neither was the fast paced east coast, surrounded by more family and friends than I knew what to do with. So, what is the problem, you say? Well, it turns out...the real enemy is all in my head.

The pleasure is all mine...

2009-10-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I've gotten myself into a few sticky situations. After much reflection, I attribute this to my insatiable impulsivity and a desire to live in the moment. The combination seems to have worked thus far however, my track record speaks for itself. Not one for long term employment, or easily dissuade by challenges, I often take on my fair share of risks and then question, "what the hell was I thinking?" Not only does this apply to my experiences but also to the people i've met along the way. Eager to make a connection and hoping to develop new friendships- I've often come to the same, sad conclusion as stated above.

Unfortunately- not every relationship/experience/opportunity is meant to be. I've found that my impulsiveness has lead me on a never ending search for the next big thing with results that are far more interesting than they are fruitful. 20 jobs in the last decade and a half, a move to an island, and 3 honest attempts at a career change has me thinking that i've been a bit distracted in my adult years. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with being the company "lifer" or nurturing friendships for the sake of a warm body and a shoulder to cry on. How could I know i didn't give up too easily when I barely gave people, places, and things a fighting chance or at least 25 months to prove otherwise?

Well, along with the gift of impatience- I've also developed the habit of not questioning my decisions, I refuse to beat myself up over the past, and have thoroughly enjoyed being exactly who I am. In the end, its been my pursuit for happiness, my quest for living the dream, and for always following my heart even when the path leads me off course, which inevitably brings me closer to where I want to be. And you...where are you going? Do tell...

Ocean Views

2009-09-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Over the years and thanks to a wide variety of friends, a stint as a psych nurse, and a motley crew of acquaintances, I've been privy to an entire spectrum of human behavior, with my own antics subject to some serious speculation. Thankfully, being surrounded by the right people with sincere intentions and a genuine interest in my life has made for a fabulous existence. Though, I can't help but wonder about the emotionally crippled that walk amongst every day. You're probably quite familiar with the type, whether it's the chronic complainers, the miserable who loves company, or the proverbial victims that tend to sway on the far side of the spectrum. Preferably, I avoid them at all costs but sometimes, you just can't.

Thanks to my novice SUP skills, I often find myself crossing paths with an oblivious swimmer in the middle of the ocean. Luckily, no head on collisions have been reported however, I did find myself up close and personal with a not so happy camper yesterday. With the sun beaming and the water temp just right, one would think that life couldn't get any better, right? Unless of course, you're the miserable, righteous hag who reprimanded me for infringing upon her swimming territory. Baffled and caught off guard, I wanted to retort something snippy like, "Hey lady, it's a freaking ocean not a kiddie pool!" But instead, took the high road and acted as if I didn't just hear that. The incident got me thinking about those with emotional handicaps who operate as if the world doesn't have enough room, opportunities, and experiences for everyone. I gazed at the massive ocean then back at the hag and was reminded of how small a tainted view can make the world appear. Funny thing is, life is just like the ocean...there's always enough room for everybody. What's getting in your way? Do tell...

Do you, baby!

2009-09-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

Despite my maniacal driving skills and a scary dose of road rage against student drivers who just have to take lessons on a Sunday morning, I still managed to get to Bikram 10 minutes late. Flustered, I tried to look inconspicuous as I rubbernecked the jam packed class for a spot. I inadvertently got the attention of the instructor who pointed to a teeny space up front. Mortified, I jumped right in and tried to avoid the glare of my neighbors who I had now, just violated their personal space. Feeling tense with images of berating my husband for making me late, I began to lose balance and focused on the heat and stench instead. Then, a distraction! A sweet, portly elderly woman wearing polyester pants and a knit top fell while attempting a pose. I had seen her before in previous weeks and wondered how the hell she managed to endure 90 minutes of torture in polyester? But, week after week- she comes back for more and thankfully, hasn't succumbed to wearing a sports bra and daisy dukes.

The incident got me thinking about the commitments we make. After granny hit the ground, it snapped me back into focus and I finished the class. In lieu of harboring anger towards my husband and teenage drivers- I simply let it go. Instead, I gave myself credit for not copping out and felt invigorated that I had done something positive so damn early on a Sunday morning. And though granny might have taken a little tumble- I thought about her amazing resilience. She could care less about wearing breathable fabric. All she really wants is to be in a room that's 107 degrees, surrounded by people whom she could be the great, great grandmother of. But hey! Talk about commitment! It was at this time, I decided that all commitments aren’t created equal. It’s the one’s that make you look and feel good, the one’s that make you want to spread love, and the one’s that bring joy to others, which are thought to be the one’s most worth committing to. How do you...DO you? Do tell…

UP, UP, & Away...

2009-09-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Just recently, I learned the art of straying from self inflicted bouts of doubt, feelings of isolation and a host of other negative habits that have kept me nice and stifled for years. Feeling bloated, lethargic, and depressed at 36 is not particularly attractive nor does it hold the keys to a loving and nurturing marriage. In fact, quite the opposite. So, one day I simply came to the realization that with nothing to lose, I would do just that…the opposite. Instinctively, curling up to a bowl of cheetos, suffering from long spells of writer’s block, and spewing negative commentary at anything that looked at me funny were all warm and fuzzy comfort measures. However, in my best effort towards self improvement and for the sake of raising a child without mommy issues, I became physically active, listened more than I spoke, and started to take accountability over my decisions.

Over time… I began to see things like silver linings, unicorns, and glasses that were half full. As evolution must, this is a process that takes time. I still battle my urges to judge, load up on carbs, and deny myself the pleasure of an occasional pity party. For so long, feeling bad meant feeling normal. It’s a dark road I hope to never cross again. And you- what have you got to lose? Do tell…

That's whatSUP!

2009-09-02T01:31:00.000-07:00

Two months ago, on a whim I decided to enter a local TV station's essay contest about why i wanted to live a healthy lifestyle. The topic was completely foreign considering how out of touch I was about anything that resembled living the picture of perfect health. And while residing in Hawaii, working out, cutting carbs, and not by choice- eating brown rice instead of white all looked good on paper, I still couldn't shake the negativity that permeated my outlook. I blamed my impotent endorphins for my lack of happiness and felt a constant need to sweat the small stuff to justify my hourly mood swings. All of which started to get old and lacked the same luster as it did in my 20's, making this as good a time as any to seek change. My entry, written at midnight was a rambling dissertation about genetic predispositions and a desire to finally start living. Half asleep, buzzed off a glass of Merlot, and feeling confident, I clicked the submit button and hoped for the best.

A week later i received an email that i had won the contest. The grand prize, an intense 8 week course of stand up paddle (SUP) sessions. (think of standing on a surfboard using a paddle to maneuver through the waters at Ala Moana Beach). Not only did this mean i had to spend more than my usual 5 minutes in the ocean but i needed to perfect balancing on a paddle board AND try my best not to drown. So far, this has been a transformational experience. Aside from finally developing some muscle tone, I've also strayed from the comforts of frustration and irritability, and can honestly testify that when you mix a little whim, a glass of Merlot, and a desire to live...only good things happen! What's your concoction? Do tell...

the sisterhood of the traveling panties

2009-08-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday my friend, Jen and I decided to check out Oahu's latest stylist gone fashion designer and her new launch at the Honolulu Design Center. Very reminiscent of Forever 21 meets Honolulu night life- it definitely suits its purpose here on the islands. If you're unfamiliar with the image, imagine this...an eclectic mix of Asians complete with surfer-esque body types and a bit too much MAC makeup for my taste but nevertheless, cute as hell! Pre-show, Jen and I indulged in a bit too much wine then moved on to the hard liquor when the show started an hour and half late. (who did these people think they were, Zac Posen!?)

Despite the 90 minute wait, it gave us a chance to catch up. Listening intently, we gabbed about the latest dish on work, husbands, prospective children, and the realization that moments like these were so few and far between. Back home, i have a group of 4 girlfriends whom i consider mi familia. And even after nearly 4 years away from Jersey, they're as firmly planted in my heart as the day that i left. I miss them immensely but have learned that making new friends in a new playground is absolutely essential. My numerous attempts to make my husband girlfriend #5 have failed miserably. He's completely uninterested in my philosophical views on Project Runway, has no patience for my incessant bitching about the Housewives of Atlanta, and although occasionally indulges me by watching Sex in the City re-runs...i can tell his heart isn't in it. So, I've learned a very important lesson in the power of girlfriends. Though husbands are great for moonlight walks on the beach and procreation....NOTHING replaces another woman's perspective and their shared love for Carrie Bradshaw. Who's in your circle of trust? Do tell...

soccer mom confidential

2009-08-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

August marks the beginning of our daughter's 4th and final high school volleyball season. Typically, this means late nights, dinners a la the concession stand, and a VERY cranky teenager. An added twist to an already frenetic schedule is our puppy, Phifer who has adapted quite well to her new found latch key status since volleyball started. And just like seasons past, my husband and I turn up the Jersey and embody the ultra competitive, hyper critical, and wanna be positive "soccer parents". Yes, yes...we are THOSE parents. The one's who out cheer the cheer leading squad, coach our kid from the sidelines, and conjure up conspiracy theories about bad calls and perfect lineups. And while our methods have proven to be unconventional and/or extreme especially for the mild manner of Hawaii, its never deterred us from supporting our girl who goes off to play at NC State next fall. The experience has been amazing though admittedly, i would trade some of the unpleasantries associated with competition. From the insane father who wanted to fist fight my husband because his daughter didn't get a starting position to passive aggressive mothers who take snack schedules to a whole other level. I've since learned that although my voice may travel through the gym like i carry around a megaphone at least i'm not ridiculously bitter or anal about baking cupcakes with sprinkles!

So as the beginning to the end of her high school career moves along, I make it a point to enjoy every minute. As a veteran varsity mom, I now feel qualified to dispense advice on how to maneuver through a season unscathed, although the reality is you probably can't. In the end and through it all, I think what really matters is that she knows we're there to cheer our hearts out, heckle the ref, and remind her to..."Reach, baby, reach"! How do you help the one's you love? Do tell...