just the way you are....

3 years ago as our daughter was sinking into a deep teen melodramatic funk- I did what any desperate mother would do...I told her she could have a puppy. The intention was to "just look" in hopes that somehow, though utterly cute and adorable- she'd realize that owning a pet was more responsibility than it was worth. But as most of you know, stepping into a pet shop with good intentions is just like shopping at Louis Vuitton on your 10 year anniversary- whether it's a purse or a puppy...the purchase is going to happen. So there she was, laying carelessly on the bottom of a dog pile with one eye curiously looking upwards as her sisters climbed, nipped, and enticed her to play though all the while- she was having none of it. Although aloof and a lot less spunky- we felt an instant connection to her soul. She seemed curious though reserved, loving but guarded, and needy yet independent. But one thing was clear- we'd found our girl. That day, Phife Liliukalani Dimaya officially became part of our family. Truthfully, I can't recall the last time I ate dinner in peace or didn't melt at the sight of a chihuahua. I've never taken so many damn walks in my life and haven't sobbed so uncontrollably until I watched Marley and Me. And while our family has always been close,  the addition of Phife- who's neither a canine wonder or social butterfly and whose main motivation lies in anything that looks or smells like meat- has taught us that being who you are is more than enough. Through her sweet but shy demeanor- she needs not lift a paw to make us love her anymore.

Which got me thinking about the other relationships in our lives- the human ones. And whether we truly accept one another for being who we are. Would I love my husband to be more domesticated and my daughter less hormonal? Of course! Could my siblings stand to be a pinch more motivated and my mom operate less on Filipino time? Absolutely! Could I learn to be more patient and less judgmental? Definitely! At the end of the day (and I mean- every single day), we're all a work in progress. Our goal in life isn't to strive for perfection or be who or what someone else expects. It's to get up and make genuine  connections; to enrich our lives and the people we choose to spend it with. It's to live authentically and know that for the people that matter- you need not lift a finger to love you anymore...just ask Phife! And you, how deep is your love? do tell...

all you need is _________?

Growing up in a large family with lots of cousins, friends, and friends of friends makes the world feel like a much smaller place. It's easy to feel popular when you're related to at least half the town along with scattered relatives on the west coast, parts of Michigan and of course, in the motherland itself. And while the perks are absolutely fantastic like the free ensamada at the Philippine Bread House thanks to Tita Baby and discounted wedding photography care of Tito Bong- there is a downside. If there's one thing growing up Filipino has taught me- its that thick skin is not optional. There's no such thing as beating around the bush or probing gingerly when it comes to sensitive topics. As far as sweet Tita Baby is concerned everything from your recent weight gain (umm- it's cold out there!) to your career choices ("why didn't you go to medical school?") are up for discussion. Observations and comparisons run amok within immediate families, extended relatives, and in the community. Who has the prettiest daughter? Who has the smartest son? Who's a doctor? Who's going to be a doctor? Who's going to marry a doctor? And so on...

But despite growing up amongst harsh criticism and nagging insecurities, which every teenager can attest to, whether your lola strongly suggests using Proactive or not, I'm just grateful to have grown out of giving a shit. As a mother, wife, and friend- I recognize the affect I have on future generations. And while everyone could use a thicker coat of skin- why not impact the world in a more positive way? With that said, I now choose my words wisely (at least most of the time), I listen with more patience and without judgment (except if you're being dumb), and just so you know- I got your back (whether you need me or not). Because as far as I'm concerned- spreading the love isn't optional! And you...what's your impact going to be? do tell...


**I dedicate this blog to my wonderful family, most especially my dad and lola. Thanks to their keen observations and wicked sense of humor- its made me who I am. The world is a lot less interesting and not quite as funny without you in it.**

she's like the wind...

As anyone close to me will tell you- I'm notorious for changing my mind (as seen in the new mm layout). One day- I'm a wedding planner and the next I'm jetting off to Hawaii to start a new life. Today, I'm a writer but who knows what tomorrow may bring. Stand up comedy? Hand modeling? I'm open to it all. In many ways- I live for the uncertainty in life. Currently I live in Arlington, Virginia where people are painfully politically correct, restaurants are fairly homogeneous, and if certainty is the bane of my existence- you can betcha bottom dollar- I'm starting to get a little f#@!king antsy!

In the past 5 years- I've moved to 3 states, 5 cities, 2 coasts, lived in 3 houses and 2 apartments. Yes, I officially HATE moving! But for a gal who lived in the same house for over 30 years- I guess a move or 2 wasn't going to kill me. And just for the sake of sounding cliche- why, yes- it did make me stronger. Every move meant a new job, new friends, and a different neighborhood. And while you can take the girl out of Jersey City...let me tell you- you can't take that girl with you everywhere you go. (I've had to tone down the profanity and vulgar hand gestures since) Change is inevitable whether we like it or not. And so maybe the thrill in life isn't about different cities or meeting new people. Perhaps all we really know for certain is that we'll never know what tomorrows gonna bring. (though one more move isn't going to kill anyone!) And you...what do you live for? do tell...